's Blogs

so ya im out now. not only about bein queer but no longer ashame of bein an aspie. i been told i should not 'hit people over head' about my autism. well, maybe i have been but maybe i need to clear up. maybe even apologize if misunderstood.

someone talk to me last night and i get thinkin on what they say, that im too out and actin like i want people to feel sorry for me.

that never what im tryin to do.

only talk about aspies/auties for awareness and maybe find one like me here or anywhere and now i have but that is private and we just buddies and im just fine with that.

i am so grateful about what some here done on autism awareness day. still cant believe it all and love you so much from me heart. but for real im only tryin to say to all, especially buddies who feel alone or got problems ~ hey buddies, i got problems and lots of em, but they dont have me! you gotta keep going and do best each day to be be you can no matter what. otherwise, why wake up and i dont mean do something stupid!!!!!

i know depression. it sucks. but one thing is stop thinkin bout how sad you are and reach out to other guys problems. i am no big organization or anything. i can walk to a square and help homeless people and i do all the time. i see the guys there like from the movie 'struggle' and just do what i can. sometimes a hug. sometimes a hamburger or even some smokes. mainly just talkin and not let them feel like they are a nobody. nobody wants to be a nobody.

this compares to like what learnt in one me geek classes meanin puter tech. all this stuff works on zero and one. nobody want to be a zero. everybody want to be one. not much room for those of us who real with ourselves to fit in between. right? pretty damn good compare i say!

so ya, i post like i do cos i want to be your buddy. i want to love you and care about you like i want to be. if more all us do like this, then boys and girls not be killin themselves. i hate hearin it. cant stand it. sometimes mad like 'you have a normal life i want and you destroy it?!' but for real me heart hurts so bad, cos theyre not here for me to be buddy to them and i dont care about if boy or girl or sexuality.

but im only one person and i know i have issues especially the social ones. so please anybody who seen me posts and all, i never do it for pity. dont want pity and i mean never. it makes me mad when people think or say like i am 'less human' cos its just not true. even when a boy and i could not even look at me mum let alone talk, i was there. i was 'in there'. i could see just not understand how to react.

lots of gay guys i met feel like theyre on the wrong planet some time. that is actually site for aspies/auties at wrongplanet.net! but im not a robot with no feelins. not spock from star trek. this why i come out like i did here. to be honest and open and say dont be scared of me, cos i process things different. that is about awareness not feel sorry for me cos me brain works a different way.

just think like it apple or windows. different os but still work ok just different. that can also be used on sexuality i think, not to separate but just be ok that all peeps are different, kinda like what said on opening of little people real world. they been made to feel 'shame' and tell me you never been made to feel shame cos of sexuality?! lol! come on!

im not ashamed of aspergers or autism no. im blessed to have grown out of most things in havin it. im blessed even more than me best docs and care givers, cos they cant look at a severe or mod aspie or autie like me and connect and the say so to me. even when one cant talk or seem not there, i can understand, 'talk' through eyes and they know it. 7 like me or worse 3 of em now tell 'i remember and i never forget it' wow! so me feel sorry for me? its like now i get why i am like this. like when me dad tell me 'GOD have special reason' when i ask why HE make me this way. we all have purpose and were all human include natural urges why i come here lol! not bein all holy here cos im sure not!

so ya like i am feelin so free. i always have dreams and they even bigger after this great weekend with family. hey, we messed up like most families but laugh about it even when hard to. your life seem so messed up? your not alone. we all the same. all have problems. all feel alone and sad some time. but if you are there now or tomorrow, just think of me and ill be thinkin of you and dont even try to leave this life cos why? someone who never met says he will be your buddy. he will care and love all he can. churches be full if they more like the one i learnt that from. most of those places HE been tryin to get in for long time. so just look for hope, joy and love. i promise to do all i can to get you there.

you have hugs and heart love right now!

i am billy. i am your buddy.