i agree with BeaterBoi, the only person you need to be out to is yourself. I have known I was gay since I was about 14 and have always accepted it. It is who I am. I feel no need to offer up that information unsolicited as I am not hiding anything. If someone does approach me and the topic comes up, I will truthfully answer them.

No, you're not living a lie, but it's not good to live in the closet because it will sooner or later live to regret it. First you need not be afraid or ashamed to be gay, because that is your choice to be and nobody has the RIGHT to say what is wrong. Second, you need to find someone who can open, because the fact that you say to everyone is gay is not easy and much less rapidly being accepted and this will help you get it open with the rest. Third, open with your family. Perhaps these are the basic steps, but have faith in yourself, because if the only person who need to accept who you really are is you. Hope this help you!!!

You've given us a two-part question and, other than confiding in a friend, all of the answers seem to have addressed part one, but left the issue in the second part begging for more. Since part one has been well-answered, I'll skip to part two: a concrete suggestion on how to take the first step out. Straight people don't announce that they are straight, so why should I announce that I am gay? I've never felt compelled to tell anyone that I am gay, and yet I am completely out. Once you come out to yourself [IMPORTANT STEP], just BE yourself. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but you do owe it to yourself to be true to your self. When you make a point of telling certain people of your orientation, YOU are deciding who needs to know this information, and maybe they don't need to know--you don't know what is in their hearts. However, you can make yourself open to questions from those who do need to know, for whatever reason. Vow to yourself to answer these questions truthfully. This can be tough sometimes, because the question(s) often come at you when you least expect it/them. People who ask are often just curious or have an agenda regarding their own sexuality. Speaking the truth might even help them. For the rest, a truthful, nonchalant answer will serve to unnerve and disarm them. Obviously, questions posed in a threatening situation--which are not common--don't deserve an answer; just get the hell out of there. Recap: don't offer personal information, but be willing to share with those whose intentions are pure. Let them come to you. No one who comes to you can (honestly) be pissed off when you give them the truth. I've used this method with family, friends, co-workers, and people I barely know, and it has always worked well for me. And, like I wrote earlier, just by staying true to myself, I can be totally out.

just do it if your pal don't like it they not good pal

ultimately you will be happier in the end when you come out and begin being completely honest with yourself. BUT there will be a lot of pain and hardship caused by your coming out too. If I were to give you better advice I would have to know your age, and geographical area where you live, and your religious beliefs. It is much easier in the year 2012 to come out as gay if you are living in San Francisco Ca. than in some small village in Iraq. My policy has always been my very close friends and very close family know. There is simply no compulsion to tell anyone else, just as it is not important for me to know those details about other people that I am not close with. One last thought. If the point of being homosexual is to have a relationship with someone of your same gender...if that person who may become the love of your life doesn't know that you are gay, how will you find each other? It pays to advertise :)

Thanks for the well thought out comments. Unfortunately, I don't feel I have any family members or friends that I feel comfortable confiding in and asking for advice as doing so will probably out me before I'm ready. At this point, I may never be ready so everyone's advice about talking to one friend and seeing what happens makes a lot of sense. Every one of you had to take that first step and even though it wasn't easy, you did it and are better men for it. Looks like I just need to be a big boy and get on with it.

I agree about confiding in a trusted friend.True friends you will find will still be so even if they do not fully understand or agree with you.Is there a gay organisation in your area you can visit to chat things over such as we have in England.I hope you find a solution so that you can begin to be your true self.

Is there a friend that you feel closer to and also that you feel is more open minded about things .. usually by telling one person first is the best way to do it .. yes it might cause hurt feelings but once they get used to it and they understand why you kept it to yourself you will find your true friends wont care .... and plus you will also make new friends as well ...coming out is a minefield for some, it is different for everyone, it is never easy and yes it can cause some friends to walk away but your real friends will stay with you .....

Yes, you're living a lie. I know because I did the same for a long time too. I was raised in a Homophobic family and I tried to be straight for a long time, even getting married. All I did was make myself and others miserable. The best thing I ever did was accepting myself and coming out. I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. Believe it or not most people really don't care, and if a friend doesn't accept you as you are, are they really a friend ? As for the first step in coming out. Do you have a friend or relative that you know is gay friendly or open minded ? Start with them. Remember, coming out is for you, you choose who to come out to and you don't have to come out to everyone. It's great to be loved for who you are !

ok, I am not gay, but I am bi. I am very comfortable with my sexuality. I have accepted it. I dont go around telling ppl im so and so, but if people ask me, i am open about it. I tell people 80% of the human pop is bi in some way, 10% truly gay, 10% truly straight. Everyones different. It doesn't matter how other people view you, its how you view yourself. You dont have to tell other people if u don't want to. Just accept yourself, that's the most important thing. And if you do choose to tell people, my hat is off to you, but no one is forcing u to tell people, so dont stress urself out about it.

ok, I am not gay, but I am bi. I am very comfortable with my sexuality. I have accepted it. I dont go around telling ppl im so and so, but if people ask me, i am open about it. I tell people 80% of the human pop is bi in some way, 10% truly gay, 10% truly straight. Everyones different. It doesn't matter how other people view you, its how you view yourself. You dont have to tell other people if u don't want to. Just accept yourself, that's the most important thing. And if you do choose to tell people, my hat is off to you, but no one is forcing u to tell people, so dont stress urself out about it.

like you I was a high school athletic star. New I was gay from a very early age but hid it away until I was near 30. I never let people close to find out. There for never let people in to know who I was. When I finally came out nothing had changed. my friend who new me was my same friends. I lost one friend who I know since we were in first grade. When I told him he could not adjust. and said not to come around. I looked at him and said your a lucky man. When he ask why I said I've been your friend for over 25 yrs your lucky to have so many friends as to turn your back on me. and I walked away. Being gay is just part of you it is not all of you. don't cheat yourself of who you are. when you get old you will have a bucket full of regret. Its never easy fo some to come out.. I know..but it was the best thing I did for my mental health and for me to luv who I am. You van never love anyone and be happy until you can love yourself and who you are. good luck

closets are for cloths... and by that i dont mean you have to tell people just live you life if someone asks you and you are tired of lieing then dont lie the them but you dont have to go around blurting it out. personally im tired of people looking at homosexual as another species and considering us much different. we are just like everybody else we shouldnt have to act different and make a whole big thing about telling people that we are into the same sex. just be your self and like i said if someone asks and you dont want to lie anymore then tell them the truth if they get mad thats their fault not yours!!! good luck and i hope this helped!

I hope you aren't so in the closet that you add fuel to the fire when people spit out homophobic crap.

It's never good to live a lie. It's not healthy. I was the same way. I only recently started coming out. The first person I told was a girl who had a major crush on me. I hurt her feelings last year because she practically threw herself at me, and I turned her down but didn't tell her why. When I told her, she was actually relieved.