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Who I say I am and what people what other people say I am.

Blog Last Activity 11 years ago 451 views 7 comments
I am Bisexual, thats what I say i am now, before now I avoided saying anything that put me in a category at all, maybe because i didnt want to lie about it. I have fallen in love several times and my first time was with a boy. That was of course a secret love as at that time it would have been normal for everyone to shout at you in the street or openly inult you in the classroom; where I am from. But that ended badly and after my BF was gone I never could take the chance that it might end in tragedy again - I felt. I fell in love again and am very happy now with a woman. I liked boys and girls maybe more boys than girls... but I am not straight and not gay.. Everyone hears about the stright people who say that gay is curable and we need treatement for loving the wrong sex, but also i have been told by gay people, and very often, that i must be gay if i like boys and that i am playing at being straight maybe to fit in. But i can tell you that the love i feel is like part of my life like the air i breathe, i couldn't live without my love. I wont ever cheat and betray my love for another person because they are not the same sex even though i might be attracted just like anyone else, its just that i am not as fussy about gender. Gay Straight where does BI fit in, or maybe everyone is at some point along a spectrum between one place and another, sex isnt love, if just the right person came along maybe many other ppl would be tempted to cross over?

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11 years ago

Wow Billy, thats not a very nice thing to happen at all. It is so sad that some ppl cant trty to be a little more pleasant, but some ppl get what they want by being nasty sometimes i guess. You put so much in your post its hard to know where to start... but first i like the new profile its more you i think, i don't call myself labels cos i dont think i fit in to any category either. i dont like the word queer as it is a negative word, thats why ppl used the word gay at first. Ppl call us names sometimes its not easy when you allready feel you dont fit in anywhere, they maybe feel better about themselves, I try not to waste time getting angry about ppl like that anymore but its hard. i still am having dreams even in the daytime about stuff that happened years ago. I think it means something, cos they are getting more intense, i can feel what it was like emotionaly aswell which is really strange and shocking too. I am not having a bad time though as i feel happier in this moment that i have for a long time, but i have opened a door on part of myself i tryed to forget for soo long, now i cant close it, and sort of dont want to either, because maybe i can feel better about this later. It like onlyinvegas said its like the most important part of us and for me its locked up with my past and i cant have one and not the other.

11 years ago

some of me buddies know i got email last week about guy so special to me i say i am in love. ya i know i am cos this email make me feel so bad and unwanted and unworthy at first and take time cos me aspergers to process it and get head properly queer again (dont say 'on str8' cos im a homo) im thinkin now this come from someone at other site have me email on it like most do there, but like the special guy i love tell me 'he jealous' but he say to me 'retarded' and me voice messages sound like crap that im so dumb cant talk right and if i know what good for me better just stop talkin bout love a boy so popular here on gbt. it hit me like sucker punch and gutted me to point i cry hard all night feelin again im not good enough and hurt mostly cos i dont want to hurt the one i love. but then i pray and somehow come clearer to me i need stand up like the video made in ireland so got a little more sleep and redid me profile. now im forgive that emailer cos he have serious problems and i have a special guy tell me 'i love you and listen to me none other about that!' so ya, my name is billy, i dont call meself gay cos that so political and for real, im just another homo ~ cos im queer in many ways. to people got a problem with homosexuality im sayin get over it cos were all here and not goin away except if you beat or kill us and speak of that ~ we need take better care our own cos too many kids kill themselves about it. standup can be seen here http://youtube.gayboysupport.info it is the feature video and lets work together to make difference for these kids and care less about what label people put on us :)

11 years ago

some of me buddies know i got email last week about guy so special to me i say i am in love. ya i know i am cos this email make me feel so bad and unwanted and unworthy at first and take time cos me aspergers to process it and get head properly queer again (dont say 'on str8' cos im a homo) im thinkin now this come from someone at other site have me email on it like most do there, but like the special guy i love tell me 'he jealous' but he say to me 'retarded' and me voice messages sound like crap that im so dumb cant talk right and if i know what good for me better just stop talkin bout love a boy so popular here on gbt. it hit me like sucker punch and gutted me to point i cry hard all night feelin again im not good enough and hurt mostly cos i dont want to hurt the one i love. but then i pray and somehow come clearer to me i need stand up like the video made in ireland so got a little more sleep and redid me profile. now im forgive that emailer cos he have serious problems and i have a special guy tell me 'i love you and listen to me none other about that!' so ya, my name is billy, i dont call meself gay cos that so political and for real, im just another homo ~ cos im queer in many ways. to people got a problem with homosexuality im sayin get over it cos were all here and not goin away except if you beat or kill us and speak of that ~ we need take better care our own cos too many kids kill themselves about it. standup can be seen here http://youtube.gayboysupport.info it is the feature video and lets work together to make difference for these kids and care less about what label people put on us :)

onlyinvegas
onlyinvegas
11 years ago

believe me fun2bme I tried many times with him. but it was up to him to have the final say. I'm just glad he did and we were able to share the most important part of who we are with each other.

11 years ago

You look like you have a kind face in your pic and sound like a kind person too and you like KMFDM, surprised it took nine years b4 you and your friend decided to try it lol. I cant talk tho I am soo careful not to have read the signs wrong as i am also ASD that I must have missed loads of chances in the past. But i really think that many people might like it if they try with just the right person even if they might be from the other side lol.

onlyinvegas
onlyinvegas
11 years ago

Nicely stated. We seem to always want labels. I had a str8 friend for many yrs. always said he was str8. I would have to say he was very hot guy. We had so much in common. I told him I was gay from the very start. He was my wing man whenever we went out. I mostly hung out at a club called the edge in Orlando. It was an under ground club that had a bit of everything. After nine yrs. of hang out together one nite he wanted to fuck around so we did. In the end he liked the sex which left him a bit confused. He said I guess I'm gay. I sad no you just so happen to like me. I told him we have so much in common that if alls you see is a male then you don't see who I am. we fooled around a number of times until he had to relocate due to work. He is married now with children but always calls to say hello and that he still are the best of friend and loves me. I would say that he is str8 but has a deep connection with me. I think a lot of guys are like that if they just open themselves up.

11 years ago

ppl talk about the gay community and the straight community but i dont really feel like i fit in to either. i never fit in, never have., so i just say I dont want to fit in, but thats not true.