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National Coming Out Day
As all of you know, coming out to our families is probably the most difficult thing we will ever have to do. October 11 is National Coming Out Day in the US. It is a day those of us that have made the journey with our families, stand ready to hold out our hands in support of those that want to make that journey. I wanted to share two things...the first is the Expedia support for marriage equality video which is the journey of one father and his lesbian daughter http://youtu.be/ThzdsnXeE28 . The second is from Andrew Sullivan's blog the Daily Dish, which is his story about his father and his journey: "Who never wavered in his love and support for me from the second I told him I was gay; whose face dropped like an ashen landslide when he discovered I had become HIV-positive; who - a former high school rugby captain, national mid-distance runner, and player on our town's team, a man's man in many ways - has never faltered in defending his son's orientation even to his boss in a small town in a pretty conservative small town. He has been a rock for me on this question my adult life.
I remember a conversation long, long ago, when I was dating someone way out of my league, before I had come out to my folks. My boyfriend, who was older, Californian, and goddamn beautiful, said something to me that never left my consciousness, when I told him I hadn't yet told my folks: "Don't you deserve to have parents?" I said: "I do and they love me." He said "But how can they love you if you will not allow them to see all of you? If they do not know the part that loves another human being, how can they love the full you?" I saw the closet was both a form of self-protection but also something that hurts and wounds a family. The closet denies your family and some of your closest friends the chance to embrace as well as disdain. It is a silent statement that you do not think they can rise to the occasion. In some cases, it can lead to disaster. But in more cases than you'd think, it doesn't. In fact, it is that self-revelation that, in my view, is almost entirely responsible for the shift in attitudes toward gay equality and integration. This was grass roots development that the center had to adjust to; not a crazy idea foisted upon a world unready for it. Watch the honest video above and see how ready many can be.
It's a risk. Integrity is always a social risk. But you only have one life. Why not tell the truth and be set free? Why not give your own parents the chance to love all of you? When you make yourself that vulnerable, there is a kind of freedom in it. And a chance for grace."
For those of you that are ready to make that journey with your family, know that I will stand with you, hold your hand and support you through the journey. Thomas
I remember a conversation long, long ago, when I was dating someone way out of my league, before I had come out to my folks. My boyfriend, who was older, Californian, and goddamn beautiful, said something to me that never left my consciousness, when I told him I hadn't yet told my folks: "Don't you deserve to have parents?" I said: "I do and they love me." He said "But how can they love you if you will not allow them to see all of you? If they do not know the part that loves another human being, how can they love the full you?" I saw the closet was both a form of self-protection but also something that hurts and wounds a family. The closet denies your family and some of your closest friends the chance to embrace as well as disdain. It is a silent statement that you do not think they can rise to the occasion. In some cases, it can lead to disaster. But in more cases than you'd think, it doesn't. In fact, it is that self-revelation that, in my view, is almost entirely responsible for the shift in attitudes toward gay equality and integration. This was grass roots development that the center had to adjust to; not a crazy idea foisted upon a world unready for it. Watch the honest video above and see how ready many can be.
It's a risk. Integrity is always a social risk. But you only have one life. Why not tell the truth and be set free? Why not give your own parents the chance to love all of you? When you make yourself that vulnerable, there is a kind of freedom in it. And a chance for grace."
For those of you that are ready to make that journey with your family, know that I will stand with you, hold your hand and support you through the journey. Thomas
Toby19's avatar
Hi Thomas my sweet dear friend... i hope you don't mind me posting this here ....................Thanks Thomas for highlighting the fact that October 11th is national coming out day ..It's a day to day to celebrate coming out and to raise awareness of the LGBT community and LGBT civil rights movement.......now me isn't one for saying just go and do it, just shout out to the world your gay, ... it can be and is for many the difficultest thing we as gay guys face ..first never put yourself under pressure thinking you have to do it, do it when the time is right for you, when you feel your ready . ..Different approaches are right for different people, depending on your situation and relationship with the person/people you want to tell. Some people find it easier to write everything down in a letter, so that they can explain fully what they want to say. This can also give others the time and space to react and come to terms with initial feelings of shock. However, open and frank conversation is a vital part of coming out, and helps to move a relationship forward toward a point of mutual understanding and acceptance. These conversations need time and commitment, so it is best to choose a moment when neither of you will feel rushed or distracted. be positive in what you say, then the one your telling wont feel as if its a problem to you ...Coming out does not mean that you have to tell everybody. Many LGBT people chose to come out first to people who they think are more likely to react positively. This not only helps them get an idea of how people may react, but often means that they will have someone to support them when they come out to others....it's never easy but once you share with even just one person, it will feel like a huge weight has been lifted, its the first step in being who you are ...who you was born to be ...... There is a site called RUCO ( ARE YOU COMING OUT ) I have a link to the site in my profile with many real life coming out stories, great advice and everything you need, to give you that little bit of extra confidence when you decide to make that first step in becoming you ... :):):):) coming out is never easy .. you don't know what their reaction will be like.. remember its taken you this long to fully accept yourself and be ready to share, so don't be worried if the reaction you got back wasn't what you was expecting or hoping ... give them a lil time to process the news ... mind you some just say oh is that it ..i was waiting for you to tell me ...:):) ... ... BElieve in YOUrself ..... Toby xxx