Send Message to mezoa
Am I bisexual?!
I am in a squat in inner city London. It’s mostly filled with hot Eastern European men. All with different facial structures, but mostly strong jaws. One Polish guy has the nicest male body I have ever seen. I’m twitching in my pants just thinking about it.
Anyway, being here has given me time to reflect on my sexuality. I’m not happy with my sexual life. I have a very specific type. Hot. Twink. I have been told I am a sexy mofo many times, but never believed it. I love the idea of two young men at their physical peak, horny as hell from the mere sight of each other. Rock-hard dicks skull-fucking mouths. A horny bottom pre-cumming all over his torso whilst getting fucked in missionary position by a toned top. Love iiit.
But it’s all fantasy. I see a hot guy I would do, but then as soon as I get to know him I don’t want to fuck him. I feel like I’m forcing myself to embark on gay activities. It’s as though I’d rather just stare and admire his body (or… wank over the beauty of his face and torso).
As I get older, I see less of a future with men because I am not interested in older men (as in over 25). And I am only interested in the physical appearance of a young man. It’s a fantasy that I have been, and will, at least for now, continue to pursue. I want to get my fair share of boys before I’m too old. I’m 22. But after that, if the moment comes, what will I do? Will I attempt to go for women? I feel like I have been trying to fill a gap in my past where I got a taste of women, but not enough, and due to anxiety with and a stronger sexual attraction for men, I may as well go for men.
Then it turns out men are just as complicated and fucked up as women. I never see a long-term future with guys I’ve been with. So, if I have to go for one, it may as well be women. I feel like I will get more out of a long-term relationship with a woman. I want so much out of life, and men don’t seem to be in the long-term equation.
Now, I have spent the last four years of my life travelling, learning and having fun. I don’t care about what society thinks. I’m not afraid of being gay, but something is still missing. Is it women? Am I delusional? Does anyone else experience this?
Anyway, being here has given me time to reflect on my sexuality. I’m not happy with my sexual life. I have a very specific type. Hot. Twink. I have been told I am a sexy mofo many times, but never believed it. I love the idea of two young men at their physical peak, horny as hell from the mere sight of each other. Rock-hard dicks skull-fucking mouths. A horny bottom pre-cumming all over his torso whilst getting fucked in missionary position by a toned top. Love iiit.
But it’s all fantasy. I see a hot guy I would do, but then as soon as I get to know him I don’t want to fuck him. I feel like I’m forcing myself to embark on gay activities. It’s as though I’d rather just stare and admire his body (or… wank over the beauty of his face and torso).
As I get older, I see less of a future with men because I am not interested in older men (as in over 25). And I am only interested in the physical appearance of a young man. It’s a fantasy that I have been, and will, at least for now, continue to pursue. I want to get my fair share of boys before I’m too old. I’m 22. But after that, if the moment comes, what will I do? Will I attempt to go for women? I feel like I have been trying to fill a gap in my past where I got a taste of women, but not enough, and due to anxiety with and a stronger sexual attraction for men, I may as well go for men.
Then it turns out men are just as complicated and fucked up as women. I never see a long-term future with guys I’ve been with. So, if I have to go for one, it may as well be women. I feel like I will get more out of a long-term relationship with a woman. I want so much out of life, and men don’t seem to be in the long-term equation.
Now, I have spent the last four years of my life travelling, learning and having fun. I don’t care about what society thinks. I’m not afraid of being gay, but something is still missing. Is it women? Am I delusional? Does anyone else experience this?
was oversexed hetero teenage boy who loved looking at naked young males til experimented at 19 with older experienced gay guy who was pissed because"all the boys these days want to get fucked only"...that changed me..was bi for a time til I met a 19 yearold pro hustler model who lived/w/ musical composer on park av...after three days and nites together I never went back and neither did he...
boys,in general are more lovable and do it for sex...girls are more caring but do it for security,statis,babies and to have someone to ridicule
As for your issue. You say that you feel attracted to young guys specifically not those older than you. Everyone has their types, and there are always exceptions. You're sexual desires and interests are something completely organic and natural. You can't help what turns you on. You cant judge yourself for it. (Unless it becomes obsessive and compulsive. Then you have a problem, and need help) Because that will drive you into the ground. And fuck with your head. You shouldn't be worrying about what you "should" be in to or what you "should not" given your age or where you are in life. You are your own person. Simple.
Also you said about when you get to know guys you don't feel you want to get intimate with them, and also mention about only seeing a long term relationship with girls as the logical alternative. Maybe you are over analysing things too much? Not searching what's truly inside you.
Personally for me, there is a bit of a difference between emotional attraction, and sexual attraction. I feel that there is one thing to admire a guy, and be physically attracted to him, and want to have sex. And then their is another thing to be emotionally into the person and see them as a whole and want to get to know them on a romantic level. Platonic love. If you will. Two circles on a page. If you will...
If both of those factors don't point to guys. And you deep down feel that you could never have a boyfriend and a long term relationship. Then if I where you I would do some soul searching and question things. Not use this sexual endeavour or age related mid life issue. Or complex as some logical explanation and a solution.
But somehow I think your ideals of sex are very disjointed as you want your "fair share of boys" before you are too old. Maybe there is some self doubt in your sexual attractions being something you don't see ever being able to become platonic? So you're seeing this as a "lets fuck everyone till I give up" ultimatum. Because you can't understand your sexuality being something that's organic.
At the end of the day there is no attempting to be something you are not. There is no "I will do this or that" your feelings. Your emotions. Your love. Is something inside, and no amount of telling yourself you are this. Or that. Or whatever. Will change what you truly feel about guys or girls on a subconscious level deep down.
Bottom line. Be who you are. Don't force your emotions. Don't rationalise. Don't stress. Let your emotions flow. And let your interests, girls, guys, whatever. Just occur. Naturally.