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I sometimes say to people, "If I had as much sex with men as some straight guys, then I might become straight, too." Ok. That sounds tongue in cheek, but there is more truth in jest. Many many guys who claim to be straight, have regular sex with guys. So, I found that many people define "gay" in different ways. Their answers fall into a pattern.
Straight men often say "Gay is who you love." So they think it's ok to get or give a blow job and not be gay. This is the "light dimmer" effect - there are many shades of grey, but one clarity is the person you love. Many American straight guys think two guys kissing is gay, but a guy getting fucked by another guy is possibly bisexual but not gay. Many eastern European straight guys think that kissing a guy is not gay (kissing friends, family, and such is normal), but a guy touching another guy's ass is very gay. They often think touching another guy's cock is just funny, but not gay.
Gay men often say it's a matter who you have sex with, or whom you touch. Often gay men say any guy who lets a man suck him is gay or closeted gay. This is the light switch effect - it is all on or all off and no room for an area in-between.
Bi-sexual men often say it's a matter who you prefer to live with, since their own experience is that they enjoy both genders for sex and both genders for love. This is the "Captain Kirk" effect - if you can't solve a test problem, change the test.
I think a little bit of all three is close to the answer that fits most people. Sex is not always about love. Two people can have amazing wonderful sex and not have any emotional attachment to each other. In an ideal situation, if you are in love, the sex is really very special. However, you can be in love and not have sex, or not enjoy the sex. In this case, is it possible to be homosexual (enjoy sex with same gender) but not gay (in love with a woman)? Or, is it possible for a man to only enjoy sex with a woman, but be in love with a man?
The best part of life is human contact, making love or rather making sex, and falling in love. Love often hurts. Sex can hurt, too. When you meet the right person, don't let labels or other people decide how the two of you interact and move forward. :)
10 years ago
to be gay or not to be gay, doesnt really matter, its what you feel inside your heart, is Chris gay, doesnt matter to me we are good friends.
10 years ago
I must admit, my first unswer was "clinic"... As i was thinking on that, i realized that, what means to be gay or straight or enything?! What matter, is what makes you happy, makes you feel complete and full... I think im bi... but i dont carre, i love boys and girls too at the same time. I have done sex with a guy, but this doesnt makes me GAY... im still a normal guy, living his life. My mother one day told me, "Son, i have no problem to be gay or straight, i want you to be Happy" And i am!!!
10 years ago
Chris is just asking a question, he is sweetess guy you could ever make friends with, there is no harm in asking if you need to look for the sun to shine on the path you make in life.
coolcock aka chris humm now im confused about what it means to be gay ! too i am a identical twin but my brother he says hes straight and i say im gay so to be gay must mean something . ( by the way did he choose to be straight or did i choose to be gay .? what if we are all born gay ?.) to my neighbour it means im not the sort of person he wants to live next to - he told his wife in front of me (why?) - to others its a sence of freedom and ok so what - so what does it mean to me ? to be straight or gay - sex is only a part of who we are ? all i know is that in my life i like to do my own thing i prefer interacting with other guys i can relate too ( too few only ) a few women too - no close female friends though and that when basic instinct takes over one guy in the crowd can turn my head guess guess thats down to style and taste and physique :) thats me - btw i have no boyfriend so does that make me not gay re gay = sex comment ?? :):)
10 years ago
ToLead - the question was what it means to be gay. If you think of all the gay guys in the World, from where you live, to where I live, to every other country there is just one thing which 'unites' us, one thing we all have in common - which is to have sex with other guys; it logically follows that is the sole thing everyone has in common ie: that is the answer to the question what it means to be gay. On almost everything else you care to think of, from religion to politics to dick size to clothing to views on music you get wide variations (just ask 100 gay men their views on Brad Pitt and you will see!). For instance if someone were to say "being gay is all about nose rings and wearing outrageous clothing" you could quite easily find a majority of gay men do neither, therefore that is not 'what it means to be gay'.
10 years ago
nickblack...do not put words in my mouth. I did not claim victim hood. So do not project your anger on me....and to be clear I see hate and oppression of LGBT people everyday. And if being gay for you is about sex and only sex...that is your choice. For me it also includes love, relationships and a perception of the world. The world today is not always a safe place for LGBT people, in the Mideast, Russia and other places it is dangerous. And in the US, people are still attacked and beaten up because of who they are.
10 years ago
I am not 'oppressed' by anyone, I am not a 'victim', I am not weak and feeble, I do not burst into tears at the first sign of name calling, I do not require special rights or laws to protect me; why do so many gay guys play up to that?
Being gay is all about sex - it's the only thing we all share - everything else is just conversation
10 years ago
Chris...as an oppressed minority for so many years, the str8 world projection about being gay has always been about the sex act...not the love, the caring or the emotions. As LGBT people have become more visible...there is a grudging acceptance that gay is more than sex...I think jase put out the essence...are you gay...are you bi...those are just constructs that allow others to put us in a box...I am gay...I am only attracted to men...but it makes no difference the label...for in the end...you are Chris...the only one...and it is your choice to accept or reject others labels about you...just be happy in who you are...not how others define things....Thomas
10 years ago
Chris...as an oppressed minority for so many years, the str8 world projection about being gay has always been about the sex act...not the love, the caring or the emotions. As LGBT people have become more visible...there is a grudging acceptance that gay is more than sex...I think jase put out the essence...are you gay...are you bi...those are just constructs that allow others to put us in a box...I am gay...I am only attracted to men...but it makes no difference the label...for in the end...you are Chris...the only one...and it is your choice to accept or reject others labels about you...just be happy in who you are...not how others define things....Thomas
10 years ago
well i think swiftjohn say it all n i agree with him well said xx
10 years ago
well i think swiftjohn say it all n i agree with him well said xx
10 years ago
thx guys, but why there are so many people reducing to be gay only on sex? and why do some gays do it?
What does it mean to me to be gay? It means I love to suck cocks and be fucked in the ass. It means I love to feel and taste sperm ejaculating in my mouth and then swallowing it all down. It means I love the feel of a naked male body pressed tightly against mine, bucking and thrashing in orgasm, as he pumps his sperm deep up inside me. It means I love to look down upon a smooth, bare upturned male bubble butt and lubricate my rock hard cock while kneeling between spread male legs savoring the anticipation of what is about to come. It means I love the sound of a male voice in ecstasy as I slide my cock deep up inside him. It mean I love to fill a male body with my sexual essence for him to absorb into his body and make me a part of him as I have made him a part of me. That to me is what it means to be gay.
10 years ago
What it means to be gay? it means you get to have lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of cute guys and your life will be enormous fun and one long party (what more do you want?)
10 years ago
It's funny, but most people only say gay means the love between two boys, maybe two girls :) I still try to find out who I am and since I opened this blog I asked some very close friends and my family, my ex-girlfriend only said “is this important?” and my mom said “who cares? If you feel love to someone, it does not matter who it is or how you call it, just call it love.” I love my boyfriend now for thirteen months, does it mean I’m gay now? and i still feel attracted to my ex-girlfriend, does it makes me bi? It’s all very confusing.
Gay is a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual. The term was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree", "happy", or "bright and showy". The term's use as a reference to homosexuality may date as early as the late 19th century, but its use gradually increased in the 20th century. In modern English, "gay" has come to be used as an adjective, and as a noun, referring to the people, especially to males, and the practices and cultures associated with homosexuality.By the end of the 20th century, the word "gay" was recommended by major LGBT groups and style guides to describe people attracted to members of the same sex. At about the same time, a new, pejorative use became prevalent in some parts of the world. In the Anglosphere, this connotation, among younger speakers, has a derisive meaning equivalent to rubbish or stupid (as in "That's so gay."). In this use, the word does not mean "homosexual", so it can be used, for example, to refer to an inanimate object or abstract concept of which one disapproves. This usage can also refer to weakness or unmanliness. When used in these ways, the extent to which it still retains connotations of homosexuality has been debated and harshly criticized.
Straight men often say "Gay is who you love." So they think it's ok to get or give a blow job and not be gay. This is the "light dimmer" effect - there are many shades of grey, but one clarity is the person you love. Many American straight guys think two guys kissing is gay, but a guy getting fucked by another guy is possibly bisexual but not gay. Many eastern European straight guys think that kissing a guy is not gay (kissing friends, family, and such is normal), but a guy touching another guy's ass is very gay. They often think touching another guy's cock is just funny, but not gay.
Gay men often say it's a matter who you have sex with, or whom you touch. Often gay men say any guy who lets a man suck him is gay or closeted gay. This is the light switch effect - it is all on or all off and no room for an area in-between.
Bi-sexual men often say it's a matter who you prefer to live with, since their own experience is that they enjoy both genders for sex and both genders for love. This is the "Captain Kirk" effect - if you can't solve a test problem, change the test.
I think a little bit of all three is close to the answer that fits most people. Sex is not always about love. Two people can have amazing wonderful sex and not have any emotional attachment to each other. In an ideal situation, if you are in love, the sex is really very special. However, you can be in love and not have sex, or not enjoy the sex. In this case, is it possible to be homosexual (enjoy sex with same gender) but not gay (in love with a woman)? Or, is it possible for a man to only enjoy sex with a woman, but be in love with a man?
The best part of life is human contact, making love or rather making sex, and falling in love. Love often hurts. Sex can hurt, too. When you meet the right person, don't let labels or other people decide how the two of you interact and move forward. :)
i am a identical twin but my brother he says hes straight and i say im gay so to be gay must mean something . ( by the way did he choose to be straight or did i choose to be gay .? what if we are all born gay ?.) to my neighbour it means im not the sort of person he wants to live next to - he told his wife in front of me (why?) - to others its a sence of freedom and ok so what - so what does it mean to me ? to be straight or gay - sex is only a part of who we are ? all i know is that in my life i like to do my own thing i prefer interacting with other guys i can relate too ( too few only ) a few women too - no close female friends though and that when basic instinct takes over one guy in the crowd can turn my head guess guess thats down to style and taste and physique :) thats me - btw i have no boyfriend so does that make me not gay re gay = sex comment ?? :):)
On almost everything else you care to think of, from religion to politics to dick size to clothing to views on music you get wide variations (just ask 100 gay men their views on Brad Pitt and you will see!).
For instance if someone were to say "being gay is all about nose rings and wearing outrageous clothing" you could quite easily find a majority of gay men do neither, therefore that is not 'what it means to be gay'.
Being gay is all about sex - it's the only thing we all share - everything else is just conversation
The term was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree", "happy", or "bright and showy". The term's use as a reference to homosexuality may date as early as the late 19th century, but its use gradually increased in the 20th century. In modern English, "gay" has come to be used as an adjective, and as a noun, referring to the people, especially to males, and the practices and cultures associated with homosexuality.By the end of the 20th century, the word "gay" was recommended by major LGBT groups and style guides to describe people attracted to members of the same sex. At about the same time, a new, pejorative use became prevalent in some parts of the world. In the Anglosphere, this connotation, among younger speakers, has a derisive meaning equivalent to rubbish or stupid (as in "That's so gay."). In this use, the word does not mean "homosexual", so it can be used, for example, to refer to an inanimate object or abstract concept of which one disapproves. This usage can also refer to weakness or unmanliness. When used in these ways, the extent to which it still retains connotations of homosexuality has been debated and harshly criticized.