maxumillion21's Blogs

State of Flux

maxumillion21 Blog Last Activity 10 years ago 527 views 9 comments
<p>I am currently very critical about everything around me. Why people behave the way they do, I try to come up with answeres for unanswered questions. Its driving me crazy, to the point of insanity. I feel like I can't be me, I am tired and exhausted most of the time. I want a companion I can talk to and share intimate moments. Whats the point of living? I am one in a billion. Maybe it is the loneliness that is driving me to the point of insanity. I am trapped between two worlds, unsure of what decisions to make...am I gay, am I straight, I dont know and I wish I didnt have to choose, why do I have to be judged on my choice of sexuality. I want to be free and live without a care in the world, yet I cant because the fear/anxiety of being anayzed, being judged prevents me from being my true self. Afraid I will not fit in, afraid as being classified as weird, crazy or lunatic. Dont know why, I know I shouldn't give a fuck. I smoke weed to comfort myself and release my sexual frustration through masterbation. I feel overwhealmed, I work and go to school!</p>
<p>I am an introvert meaning I hate being around others and am comfortable at times being by myself, but I suffer from anxiety and feel socially awkward when I am with people. I am always analyzing myself, judging, I cant stop it is a part of me, yet I hate being alone. I am in a state of flux!</p>

Comments

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10 years ago

Unless the psychiatrist is going to give you the names and phone numbers of 27 cute guys who want to have sex with you - I don't see what use he would be?!?!

10 years ago

The names Jerrod BTW LOL. No offense taken. But self medicating ones self is not always the answer. My psychiatrist has been a big help for me. I gave him a chance and it took me some time to listen and learn from him. I truly believe that I would not be here today without the medication I take on a daily bases. I use to lock myself in my bedroom as soon as I got home from school. I believe that is unhealthy for a person to do. My family and partner has been very helpful for me.

richie
richie
10 years ago

HI;I THINK YOU ARE A SENSIBLE MAN;GUESS I AM TOO BECAUSE I GOT SIMILAR FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS TO;I FEAR A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE NOT AWARE OF THEIR HUMANITY WHILE THINKING ABOUT AM I RIGHT AM I WRONG IS THE STEP TOWARDS HUMANITY AND OUR POSSIBILITY TO GET TO REAL HUMAN BEINGS!
JUST TRY TO ACCEPT YOURSELF

10 years ago

Getting some counseling is the best thing

10 years ago

Most people,I assure you do not fucking care. Find someone who you like and who likes you back. Thats all. Chill.

10 years ago

Medication? no way - the answer to his problem is 'in his system', it is natural, and he should just do what is the most natural thing. Don't need to be lobotomised or coked out on drugs to answer that question.

10 years ago

Get off the weed. Go talk to a psychologist who will be able to help you. With the proper medication things will get better for you in time.

10 years ago

Just be true to yourself.