maxumillion21's Blogs

BOY WITH A MASK

maxumillion21 Blog Last Activity 9 years ago 430 views 4 comments
<p>Self Confidence? I have none, entrapped within the walls of my comfort zone. Highly criticising myself (being a perfectionist sucks yet I cant help it). I have heard the advice 'be yourself' countless times, yet fear overwhelmes me! I am an introvert, in-closet gay, have no friends, I drown in the frustration of lacking self confidence.</p>
<p>I wish I could summon the energy within my soul to tell gay haters including members of my own family and say " I AM GAY, yes I lust for men not women, I desire someone who understands my physical needs, share intimate moments with someone who not only has the same sex organs as I do, but understands me spiritually...why do you have to hate and loath my happiness with your close minded selfish scandalous revolts?"</p>
<p>Words and thoughts I am to scared to say...maybe running away and creating a new identity will help....wait how ironic thats exactly what I have done on the internet and so have you...I am Maxumillion21 how about you?</p>

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richie
richie
9 years ago

hi i am Joerg and i had my first gay sex when i was 21 years old and after this first expierience i had 5 times gay sex.
then at age 38 i met the man which i am still in love now and i hope that you will go your way.
btw my parents are open minded and i didnt say i am gay to them even they know it now.
of course you are in a different life and circumstances i might suggest:
Find some or one friend for YOU!!!! Life your life because no one will do it for you.
Best wishes and good luck for you from Richie

9 years ago

I wish that there was some sort of magic wand that could be waved over you and the rest of us who are going through what you say, but there isn't. The paths we follow in accommodating our loneliness, guilt and often despair, are all individual, and while there are no two of those paths the same, the thing that unites us is our recognition of our sexual preferences. I wonder if I will ever manage to shed the guilt that has defined me for all the years since I was about 11, perhaps not. It might be the same for you, or you might be one of the lucky people who can make the transition you look for easily, I hope so. But, whatever happens, you have come to a good place here. There are all sorts of people here you can talk to and trust, especially older people who have gone through all this stuff before us and who have wisdom and compassion. Be strong, Hugs from Andrew

denf
denf
9 years ago

Good, cogent, articulate post. It may help if you take a look at some of John Bradshaw's work. Here's a YouTube link that has some of his talks:http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=john+bradshaw+shame+and+addiction

I learned about him some years ago when I was experiencing some of the same issues you're facing. The bottom line, it takes a lot of hard work getting past the shame that we've been made to feel. Still, it can be done.

I hope that helps, and you're always welcome to write if the spirit moves you.

ZanyZander
ZanyZander
9 years ago

Yes BUT I think everyone are bisexual including my self. I just for safety reasons cannot be open about such things. I don't think that that will ever change. Human history shows that. Even if and when people are open to you it does not mean what and how they really feel about you or what they may do behind your back. It IS really scary. Sorry.