's Blogs

Wow- @carl1997 cutting yourself is some serious stuff. Was it solely a result of your sex experience? Or were there other things going on in your life at the time?

At first I thought that my experience was unique. I was so naive! I had not even thought about sex, nor had I ever masturbated. I got erections but didn't know what to make of it, so I left it alone. It's a long story that leads up to my being raped. The fact is if they would have asked,I would have said yes. It was more forced. not violent. Maybe that's why I got through it unharmed.

@carl1997 - I'm so sorry it worked out for you that way. It always amazes me that men want to violate boys, never mind they want to do it in such a selfish way. Boys go looking for love - and pleasure sure - and they meet men who just go looking for lust. It's a bad combination. Don't focus on 'rough sex' Carl. If sex gets a bit raunchy it should be natural, not starting out that way. Don't separate lovingness, affection, the erotic side of things and pleasure. They can all go on at the same time. Also, you're a human being and your dignity should always come first.

It can mess with your head. I started going to a wood where I knew men went for sex when I was 13. I was looking for sex but not sure what would happen. I had some decent guys who were ok even if they really only wanted to get off and then fuck off. I guess maybe they were married and felt ashamed after they had cum. I said no anal but twice I was ignored and raped anally. That really hurt, but i used to get a hard on remembering what happened. Now I moved on a bit I wonder if that is why I now like older guys and rough sex? I dunno. I do know that for a while after I self harmed and only stopped when it went all wrong and I ended up in A & E having stitches in my arm. I don’t think my folks believe that my craft knife slipped when I was making a model. Now I am at college and sort of sorted again, but I still prefer older guys and rough sex, but don’t find it much. I know 12yo who go looking for sex with men for money. I guess you have to know all the facts to make up your mind if it is right or wrong to be molested but I do reckon this guy is only after the cash

I guess I had the best outcome that could be expected. I'm truly sorry for those that didn't and hope that something, even getting some money, is helpful.

It might also be that the experience of being molested adds to an already injured person.

I appreciate your comments.

I answered this subject with my usual smart assed attitude before I read the serious responses from others. I apologize for that thoughtless act.
After thinking about it a while I wanted to share some thoughts about it. The first is just because one person may have ( or feel that they have) no harmful effects of being molested as a minor does not mean another person doesn't have serious lingering issues. My father's youngest brother, a guy I grew up thinking a lot of for all the times he spent doing things with my cousins and I systematically molested several of his nephews including myself. It happened a couple of times to me the summer I was 13.
As an adult I look at it as a messed up situation and have moved on. Others were not so lucky as I had one cousin commit suicide at age 17 and two other deal with serious substance abuse. One other cousin went on to become a molester himself and is currently in prison. All of these things I feel is connected to the abuse.
My other thought is it's a hell of a lot easier to talk about this from behind my keyboard using an alias then in real life with my family. It has become over the years "the elephant" in the room so to speak and is never openly talked about to my knowledge.
Had it been, had my other cousins or myself felt we could talk to someone, report it like we should have done may have prevented some of the ruined lives that resulted. Instead at least in my case I thought I was somehow responsible which I later came to understand was simply not true. Not everyone can put something like that behind them though.

Counseling is expensive. That I understand. I also understand that people handle these things differently. I think that there is more a trust issue involved than the sex part. Especially if it's a family member or close friend.

I guess the "repressed memories" and then wanting money for it is what I have a hard time with. In fact I didn't really think about my experience very often at all after it was over. I didn't forget it. It was just part of my growing up.

I heard from two other people that were molested by priests and sued the church. They didn't say how they were harmed or if it was lasting and required counseling . One said his father saw an opportunity to get some money.

This is a really touchy subject. Being molested by an adult can cause some issues with some victims. Counseling can maybe help with these issues. Money can pay for counseling. My first boyfriend was fucked by his boy scout leader, then later on by a priest. He did not see himself as a victim. However, he was a mess. I had a good friend who was molested by his father. He sued his parents and used the money to get counseling. As you can imagine, he had some major issues, but the counseling over the years made a tremendous difference for his well being.

From my perspective, you are right on all counts. I had not even considered the point of the counselors enjoyment in hearing the lurid details. And the fact that the counseling it's self is inflicting the injury by shaming the acts.

I never told anyone what happened but I did not feel any shame either. In fact I went back two days later for more. It turned out to be a year long adventure that I wouldn't change if I had the opportunity.

A further thought: I wonder how many of these people who insist on counselling for alleged 'victims' - and especially those who actually do the counselling - get some kind of vicarious sexual satisfaction out of "talking over" all the details of the homosexual encounter? I suspect more than a few!

There's a lot of garbage talked about the "psychological trauma" of homosexual experiences when you're a minor, and about the "harm" it does. It happened to me twice, but I don't feel "harmed". I just accepted them as experiences like many others I had. Looking back, I think there was even an element of adventure in it. I think that most youngsters cope with such experiences and move on. I suspect that the "counselling" that is inflicted on youngsters these days merely makes the situation worse for most of them: without the counselling, they don't think of it as a bad experience, but with it, they are being convinced that they've suffered some tragic disaster which will scar them for life. However, to make a song and dance about it, as the 'do-gooders' do these days, has become the fashion - and, of course, MANY people are making money out of this counselling craze: it's a 'growth industry' at the moment. Of course, with the case under discussion here, it's clearly a scam. The problem is, how do you defend yourself against such an accusation? I had a neighbour called Kenneth, three years my junior, when I was a late teenager, and I led him into gay adventures a number of times - and I admit that I DID take the initiative. I haven't seen him for years, so I wonder if he's about to appear and accuse me of "psychological damage" (though he appeared to enjoy it at the time)? Probably not, because I'm stony broke!

If my uncle ever wins the lottery I'm getting a lawyer LOL

I'm not just questioning the premise of a ten year repressed memory that all of a sudden is so traumatic that he has to sue the guy. The fact that he is wanting money now that the guy has means, and it wasn't so important before tells me a lot. No doubt, being molested can be a traumatic event for some. It wasn't for me, so wrapping my head around the concept is hard. How money will help is even more of a stretch.

I love teen boys too, and my experience runs counter to that. You would think I would like older guys.

I'd exercise caution in judging the case. It's no secret to any of my friends on this site that I'm a total perv and love teen boys. But it's actually the fact that I love them, not just lust after them, that would make me step back and refuse any sex with a minor. It's not that I don't know that theoretically it might be okay, it's just that I know I could never be sure in any particular case. Why would I risk fucking up the very thing I love? That would be worse than never having it. I just do what the author T.H. White says, endure the fox gnawing at my bosom. I'd rather live my life being faithful to that ideal than to ever compromise it. Boys over 16, sure. Below that, never except in fantasy. That's why I have no tolerance for those men who transgress that limit. With regard to the case you mention, who knows. I was 12 when a 15 year old boy introduced me to the homoerotic world. It could have been abuse. But I fell in love with him. But that's just me.

I agree that it is most likely about the money. But it made me think about the physical and emotional aspect. Unless there is some physical harm from it, is there really an emotional harm that cant be dealt with? For those that were raped or molested and were left with emotional distress, did you seek any kind of counseling? Would money help you feel better about it?

My experience was completely the opposite.

It's just a simple opportunity for a money grab. Nothing more. It has nothing to do with trauma. The same reason parents would knowingly and willingly feed their boys to Michael Jackson. If he was so traumatized, why didn't he go to the police about it ten years ago? Perhaps because it never happened and the accuser figured that if he made up a story, he'll get paid to go away. It's been known to happen. Remember when some woman claimed Justin Beiber fathered her child? The ten year delay and the accused's new money makes me question the allegation. There's an old saying -" If you want to find the truth, follow the money." Imagine how you would feel if you just won the lottery and suddenly people started coming out of the woodwork falsely accusing you of raping them and demanding compensation. Especially if they were believed and not you. On a more personal note, when I was in my teens, there were guys I knew that I wished would have raped me. But then it really wouldn't have been rape because I would have spread my legs for them gladly.

He seemed more interested in the money aspect. Like that was going to help him in other ways.

I never felt it was my 'fault'. I should have seen it coming... maybe I did and didn't do anything to prevent it.

Rape is wrong no matter the situation. No one should be taken advantage of drunk or not. These people who rape and molest should be in jail.

I was raped when I was a teen. It's my fault for being drunk with a strange guy. I never think about it. How is money going to help him cope?