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A Serious Question About Coming Out

Blog Last Activity 9 years ago 471 views 15 comments
Greetings and salutations to all from the middle of nowhere, I had question and was wondering if any one might have some advice. I apologize for the way this is written, its easier to say if I just freewrite otherwise it gets all tangled up.<br />So I have been home schooled since third grade, so I never had all tthat much social interaction so inever reallly gave all that much though to my sexuality or even sex for that matter but this past fall i started college and being surrounde by that many people on a daily basis awoke emotion and feelings that i though long dormant or even non-exsistent so i did what i do with anything that i think might be a weakness like i said i have a hard time trusting people i hide it away behind a mask and that was the face that i wore for the world to see but the problem is no wi figured out those emotions and i want to act on the but i wore the mask so well that most people think i am asexual ..... yeh so not asexual

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9 years ago

There is some really good advice offered by the other members. My thoughts are: know that you have a ton of support around you locally at school and in the community, you ARE normal, your sexual orientation is your personal business... you don't have to come out to everyone, always play safe, like hetero relationships think with your head and heart first, be patient this is a journey that will take some time... give time some time. Have fun with this don't take it too seriously, live with a happy heart, most importantly know that you deserve to be happy... From what I understand sexual orientation is a spectrum and somewhat fluid, it is thought that 10% of men consider themselves gay, others are bi, trans, pan, asexual, straight etc. What percent would honestly consider themselves absolutely straight? My guess 10%....

darkknightreturns
9 years ago

just a note to all posters, this is what I like about these blogs. Someone reaching out for help, good advice in most cases. Comfort. That is what is special about this site. I like to see more of these type posts, rather than the dumbass "how many times did you cum today" types. Well done guys and I hope the poster finds comfort and direction in the comments best of luck Ron hugz xoxo

9 years ago

I agree with these comments, I'm recently in this world having accepted who I am. It's so much easier in the college environment where most young people tend to be more open-minded and accepting than the general public. I have heard stories of guys who kick down the closet door and run out on fire, they whore around and become a horrible stereotype. That doesn't work for me because of who I am, I'm a little reserved, quiet and I needed to explore my feelings and find others who are like me. In college you will always find people like you - it may not seem like it at first, but they are out there. You can very discretely find LGBT student groups (go to the big bulletin boards in the student union areas) and just wander into the meeting. I purposely showed up late to my first one so I wouldn't have to talk to people. Then as I got comfortable I sought out people who looked like me (quiet, no eye contact, hiding in a corner!). And being around other people who were more confident in who they are, made me comfortable until I eventually introduced myself and made some friends. I met some people I didn't really like, but I also met a few good ones. I am only out to close people I care about, but I couldn't have done it without a couple of people close to me who understood and encouraged me. Take a chance man, go do it! Oh yeah, like Playbuddy said, be safe, don't be a statistic.

9 years ago

good advice. it's your choice of telling people. gay guys don't always wear name tags to identify them. finding a group on campus is good advice. i did and i now counsel at on. it's the people you hang out with...your friends that you will eventually tell. good luck and stay in touch.

darkknightreturns
9 years ago

you've been in a protective bubble chosen for you by parents not you. Interact on your feelings in college. BE YOU!, and don't let the assholes bother you. No need to come out until YOU are ready. By all means search out a campus gay club for associations. Best of luck, let us know how you are making out and things evolving. Hugz Ron xoxo

9 years ago

wise words from swiftjohn and Brea:You need to release your true self, in your own time and in your own way and by doing so, you will be at peace and the anxiety confusions and lack of self confidence will reduce and allow you to be you.

9 years ago

@swiftjohn - excellent, excellent, excellent. I can't better what swiftjohn said, except to add that, depending on where you're studying, there will also be non-college places, bars, pubs, niteclubs, groups. Just go check it all out, be who you are, don't even let gay world tell you who you are cos that is your freedom man.

swiftjohn
9 years ago

That's the problem with being home schooled. The real education about how to function in life is learned in the school yard, not the classroom. So you're going off to college already socially handicapped. And if during your home schooling you were exposed to constant and excessive religious indoctrination, which is often the case with home schooled children, you're doubly handicapped. Once you're in college and away from your earlier influences, you have the opportunity to discover who you really are...not who you were told you are. When you get there, keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut for the time being and study how other people interact with each other and learn. As far as coming out, it really isn't necessary that you announce it to the world. Your sexuality is your private business and nobody else's. That doesn't mean hiding or denying it. You just don't wear it on your sleeve. This is what I do. Every college has a gay subculture. When you get to college, look for some type of gay organization on campus. Just about every college has one (except maybe Brigham Young, Bob Jones or Liberty Universities) and start building your new friendships with the gay guys you meet there. Don't waste any of your time hanging around with straight guys when that time could be better spent in the company of gay guys. Also, the girlfriends of straight friends will try to fix you up with one of their girlfriends leading to much awkwardness for you and nothing good comes from that. And don't be embarrassed about about going. Remember, all the guys you meet are just like you. These organizations exist ostensibly for benign reasons but really they exist for gay guys to find each other and hook up for the express purpose of exchanging bodily fluids, especially when they're too young to get into gay bars and clubs. And one more thing. Let your hair go back to being blond. In the gay world, blonds are highly desired and attract more cock.

gm4yngr
9 years ago

I guess your blog post was cut off, as I don't see any question that you have asked. The replies so far do offer some good advice but you can get some more helpful answers if you post your question now here in the comment section.

9 years ago

Once you come out...you can't go back in....

onlyinvegas
9 years ago

its never easy... but I do like what was posted today '" keep calm I'm just gay" best of luck

9 years ago

There is a 'glitch' in the Blogs. When you create a new blog, very often a big chunk of what you've written vanishes. However, if you want to try again, when you write something in the comment section, it does not get cut off.

Until I read what you have to say, I will let you know that there is no 'one size fits all' approach to coming out. Some guys will tell you what they did and how well it worked. Other guys will have tried almost the same approach and lost friends and had family issues. But, once you write what is on your mind, we can try to give you some advice on a difficult issue.