bennett011's Blogs

Hi everyone in need of some venting.

bennett011 Blog Last Activity 9 years ago 772 views 22 comments
<P>ive been using this site for a few years and it is my favorite for porn. i finally decided to make an accont because i feel i need to have contact with fellow gay guys even just if its over a pc.<BR><BR>latly ive been struggleing a lot with hopelessness and worthlessness more than usual. im 21 and live in New Jersey south jersey a kinda small no name town in the pine barrens and less than 15 mins from the shore. i feel like im never meant to be loved. i feel it is so hard to meet decent people where i am. all the guys i meet are creepy and just want to fuck. i've had other relationships in the past but not since like 2009ish. every guy ive been with has cheated or used me. about 2 years ago i was robbed of my virginity by rape. ive delt a lot of pain and trauma from it and have worked a lot n dealing with it but it really gets to me when by myself and thinking im not meant to be loved and ill never find love. and hey when i do i feel weird telling a boy sex is my least concern and the actual friendship and time together is way more important to me. dont get me wrong i like sex but feel as if i dont wanna have it and after watching porn for some reason i kinda get sad and envy the "perfect" looking boys in the videos for having a slim body good looks etc but i know thats why most get paid to be a pornstar. i dont know what to do anymore i barley got friends anymore since all take my kindness for weakness and fuck me over or treat me like shit. i do not have many resourses to even meet gay guys in my area. i was looking for some venting,support,advice,and experiences with any of these feelings and or situations. </P>

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9 years ago

Hello and welcome... thanks for sharing your views. Firstly though let me say this: You are not hopeless, or worthless. You are a young guy who is going through a hard time... and you do deserve to be loved. I know it's not easy meeting people, believe me. I have struggled for many years to find the right guy lol (I'm 42). I really hope you do find happiness, and love... and I'm sure it will happen for you one day. But please.. never feel worthless as each and every person is unique and deserves to be happy ;)

hairbear
hairbear
9 years ago

████ You might consider a relationship with a "straight" boy..often they like a dabble in something they find unconventional,which turns them on something wicked...thus avoiding the need to find a local gay group...which may be near impossible in a rural or remote area..???.....DAVE™...██████

9 years ago

i know what you mean about living in the middle of nowhere. i live in a whole county of nowhere filled with homophobic rednecks. Also what is wrong with just wanting someone to hold you and love you and make you feel secure. i have found some one but unfortunately my bf is to far away for us to see each other very often. I hope you find someone.

guynflint
guynflint
9 years ago

i'm also living a bit isolated and few resources but, hang in there! mr. right will show up unexpected one day. i promise. stick to your values and standards and do things that take care of you. focus on you making your life better. things have a way of working out if left to natural events.

trusgold1089
trusgold1089
9 years ago

I'm 57 and your problem is you are mature beyond you years. You're at an age where its all about tricks and drinks and drugs. You have the right attitude yoou just have to start dating older guys. I find you remarkable annd a really goood catch. The problem isnt you, it's that the people your age arent looking fir relationships and just want have annonyous sex.

bennett011
bennett011
9 years ago

wow thanks everyne for support you guyd rock sad thing is i had lots more bad shit i could put out there but dont feel ready yet

9 years ago

Lots of great advise here already so I can't really add any myself except to say that my brother-in-law's parents had a shore house in Forked River off Route 9 years ago. I used to keep my boat there on Barnegat Bay. If meeting and talking might help, message me here and maybe we can set something up. I've gone through a tough period of depression and may be able to help. Good luck and take care son. All my best.

letsGO
letsGO
9 years ago

Bennett, I've been thru a lot and still alive....I'm always an ear to listen if you or anyone else needs, b well, b

9 years ago

hey Bennett. I know where you coming from buddy. if you feel like venting or just lending an ear or a shoulder to lean on...any complaint or issue welcome. please inbox me. Been there and would luv to give what assistance I can muster. Luv and hugzzz. Me.

Davey1965
Davey1965
9 years ago

I'm hoping you find a good youth group in your area and find some good friends here and in your neighbourhood. ..Welcome to gbt

9 years ago

With all this good advice I don't know what else to say. I do suggest to say away from the bar seen for now. Try the LGBT Center or youth group in your area. There are so many people who would be glad to lend a ear. Looks like you have made some friends here also. Most here are more than willing to lend a ear to listen and give good advice. Best of luck ♡♥♡♥♡

9 years ago

Welcome...
Some good advice has been given so far.. I would add:
(1) You should learn to love yourself! Do that before you expect love from someone else. I mean that in the kindest way...
(2) Stop thinking negative stuff about yourself! While it is good to recognise your faults and reflect on your experience, it’s more important that you learn and grow from it. Rise above it, realise that you don't want to be there anymore and move forward, been there done that, don’t want to do it again, etc.
(3) Do not compare yourself to pornstars and models. Their living is dependent on their appearance and maintaining that image would cost a lot of time/money for most. However it doesn’t hurt to set yourself some fitness goals and work towards it, you can gain some real natural highs when you start seeing and feeling progress in your body. Good stress relief too.
(4) Lastly, do not let your past partners/friends make you give up on people... Fuck them and what they have done to you or think of you... I have gone through many relationships over my years so far, and I don't carry that baggage. Dump it off, move on and build some new relationships that will out grow the others and make you forget they even existed...

9 years ago

Bennett...lots of good advice below. I would strongly urge you to find a LGBT Center or youth group. You have so many things going on in your head, you need to find a place to work through it. Frankly, you took a brave step by putting it out here. Overcoming issues from rape and sexual abuse is hard. And it impacts everything else in our lives. Resources you will find at a LGBT Center or youth group can include support groups and counselors that can help you sort through things. You are young, a relationship that is right will happen for you. But I think you need to work through the darker things in your life so that you can recognize the true essence of a person that you wish to be close to. Take time to heal and then you will be ready to go out and embrace life completely. Like others below feel free to pm me or anyone who has responded if you want to talk more. Hugs...Thomas

yrtrufrnd
yrtrufrnd
9 years ago

Been there many times over also so don't feel that you are any different than alot of us...I am a true friend and still looking to find another true friend like myself..As much as I help guys and give them the love and understanding that they want and need things never seen
m to work out.Hang in there and pm me some time here in South Florida.

9 years ago

I know what it is like. I have been through most of it to. Many lovers and most was abusive. Love life right now is none. Last man in my life in 2009. I don't trust many anymore. You are welcome to come here for vacation any time. Money is short here right now. But you are welcome.

darkknightreturns
darkknightreturns
9 years ago

at 21 you have just gone through one of the most difficult times in anyones life...adolescence. You are worth something, never feel you aren't. People have many reasons for interacting sexually. some for friends, instant gratification, friends with benefits, fuck buddies, relationship, LTR, and sadly some can't commit so they cheat. Been done to me 3 times in my life, you are not alone, and yes it hurts. At your age just put yourself out there and sooner or later you will find someone that will knock both your socks off. If you are having difficulty working through some of your thoughts, see your GP and get referred to a professional who can help you talk it out. That does NOT mean there is anything wrong with you, quite to the contrary. Ones who reach out like you are doing here, are taking the right course. We all need someone to talk to, and if it helps contact me privately.

9 years ago

I just sent you information via PM about gay centers in your area, and I'm sure they have a gay youth group. No, it shouldn't be based in any religion or faith. A short drive (relatively) shouldn't be a problem I hope. A gay youth group in my area, years ago, helped me and I hope it helps you. Best wishes.

BlueBalls
BlueBalls
9 years ago

Hi Bennett, I'm sorry to read what has happened to you but know this it's not you fault you are deserving of love and true love always starts with friendship so you have the right idea. Here is a lgbt youth support group in the Asbury Park area https://www.facebook.com/ProjectRealAP

bennett011
bennett011
9 years ago

how do i find about the gay youth groups? is it religious? when i hear youth group i think of christians. lol

bennett011
bennett011
9 years ago

thank you lunarwill i thank you for support and advice. yeah asbury park is my states top gay area with all the gay bars and clubs have not been to one yet but feel like i would have no luck. id love to move but $ situation is very tight right now. only make 10$ an hour and trying to finish school to go on to a non community college.

9 years ago

Very sorry to hear this Bennett. I wish there was an easy answer to your situation. In terms of meeting guys, if you don't have a gay youth group in your area, I would recommend not looking for long term relationships in bars. This was my experience--that most guys your age aren't looking for a long term relationships in a nightclub, but simply to "play around." Most importantly, please do not engage in "all or nothing thinking" (such as "I was never meant to be loved.) You are valuable and important, and you need to convince yourself of this. If you haven't had luck in your area, perhaps you need to seriously consider a change of scenery (moving to a larger town). Oh, and last thing. I do hope you reported the sexual assault. Best of luck, and please say hi anytime. Take care.