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The phallus has many shapes, sizes, colors, texures, unusual, and extraordinary features that for the most part remain hidden and obscured from those who have the intestinal fortitude, selfish desire, and obsessive compulsive dependancy to worship awesome tubesteak wherever and whenever they can.  MORE POWER 2 YOU.  

As though there is something to be ashamed of, yet for nearly 1300 years that is exactly what has led to the Great Sexual Repression.  The phallus is beautiful.  In fact, 3 out of 4 Women actually wish they were male, and 4 out of 4 have at one point or another created their own artificial phallus out of just about anything.  The earliest blunt force penetrating object was discovered in the ass of Egyptian King Afroditty in 4900 B.C. and archaeologists recently uncovered inside the petrified anus of a Terrinosaurus Rex, the fossilized remains of a human believed to have been put their for sexual pleasure.  The one thing Science has proven beyond all doubt is that had it not been for Eve taking one of Adam's ribs, Adam would have never developed the prolonged desire to have a rib inside his ass to make himself whole.  It's in the Bible.  If you don't believe it now, please read the Next T estimate according to Gay Theologians.   

In honor of the publication of the Next Testimate, his holyness Pope Benadict has commissioned from the Vatican in Italy a substantial bounty for the phalluses depicted.  Hense his Royal Order of bent over Alter Boys who profess their devotion to the men who turn these boys into men by Officially Conviening The Royal Holy Order Most Gorgeous Phallus in the Universe Contest.  First Prize: $1,000,000 US  2nd Prize:  A trip to the Vatican for a sit down and rub a dub dub from his holiness Pope Benedict.   Third Prize:  All expenses cruise anywhere you want to cruise to aboard the Air Craft Carrier Edgar J. Hoover (Full Destroyer and Armade escort included)  Fourth Prize:  The Next Launch of the Atlas 10 Century Rocket to put mankind back on the moon will be named after you (or your favorite pet nickname for your beautiful cock)  Fifth Prize:  Ten kilos of chronic bud from Sonoma, California deliver on April 20 every year for the rest of your life.  Sixth Prize:  One hundred winners will each receive a Count's Custom of Las Vegas, Nevada replica of the most recognized phallusmobile recognized Globally by more people than Henry Ford's Model "T" Roadster created by Oscar Meyer in the sixties.  YOUR VERY OWN WIENERMOBILE.  The prize committee made up of contestants and contenders are concurring closely on contest prizes.  

IF YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT IT, BOY YOU BETTER FLAUNT IT, OR REMAIN OBSCURE FOR THE REST OF YOUR RETARDED LIFE.