When Gay Liberation was kicking off in the late 1960s, non-conformity to heteronormative traits - marriage and monogamy being two of them - was part of the culture. This was a culture of freedom, of youth, and of possibilities. "Growing up" and getting married didn't fit into that very well.
In the lead up to my wedding, I'd started to realise there was a certain adolescence I was letting go of. What I didn't quite comprehended, until I thought that older gentleman's comment through, was that such an adolescence isn't something a lot of gay men want to let of go of.
Nor do they have to. Our culture permits - even encourages - an eternal Peter Pan syndrome whereby we can choose to remain young and free at heart. And we do the best we can to keep our physicality in such a state too.
I'm not the first to call this the "gaydolescence", but this isn't a common term. I can't speak for the rest of the LGBT spectrum, but for gay men, we're allowed a much longer lease on youth than our straight counterparts.
Until marriage equality came around, gay men were relieved of the pressures of having to couple up, move to a nice suburban neighbourhood, and spawn children to carry on the cycle.
For the most part, the gaydolescence comes from being denied a legitimate adolescence in our teenage years. Even gay teens who grow up in the most liberal of environments have a good few years of finding out who they are. For those that aren't so lucky, the years 13 through to 18, and often beyond, are riddled with confusion and isolation (past the appreciation of most heterosexual coming-of-age experiences).
The consequence of this is often young gay men don't partake - and actively distance themselves - from the adolescent experiences of teenage love, sex, even good friendships. Both implicitly via societal norms and explicitly by schoolyard bullies, gay teenagers are more likely to miss out almost entirely on the education of adolescence. They're perennially relegated to the sidelines as observers, shallow stereotypes, and outcasts.
While usually there are others to blame for this (like the aforementioned bullies), gay men only realise in later years that the onus was on them to have a proper adolescence, and we built up protective barriers of our own which prevented it. The fall out effect of this becomes apparent when we accept who we are, at 18, 22, or sometimes 30 or older, and then we become 16 year old boys all over again.
Sex drives ramp up. We join a party culture that doesn't stop for anything. We date around and finally get the sexual education we missed out on (and then some).
It's obvious that gaydolescence extends to some gay mens' physical appearance, too. Buffed up from the gym like the athletes we wanted to be in high school, we're finally able to enjoy the prime years of ultimate fitness and boysie banter we were once denied. We try to stop time in other ways as well; notably in our skincare and hair regimes, and our wardrobe choices. Only on gay men is it still acceptable to wear hi-tops and tank tops at 38.
For some guys, the gaydolescence never really ends. Others might drag it out until their mid-40s when they realise a the benefits of a prolonged adolescence are no longer outweighed by the effort it takes. But for the gay men coupling up and getting married early-ish in life (myself included) our gaydolescence isn't even going to last into our 30s.
My enduring gaydolescence may be over. But that's not to say I'm going to get fat. I'm not throwing out my tank tops, nor do I plan to stop having fun. I'm married, not dead, and there are some things I have now - things I never had as a teenager - that I'll never give up.
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Again I come back from a hospital stay of 10 days, I was emergency surgery Thursday, December 3, I peritonitis, I do not wish that on anyone, I hope I'm fine finish the 2014 and 2015 will be a good year for me, I'll be a bit more active in the coming days. 10 comments / Post Comment
TA DAAA!! 2 comments / Post Comment
Seasons greetings and lotsa luv to all you great guys at GBT - HUGS - Braedan 5 comments / Post Comment
Is there anyone else here who has been circumcised later in life(not as a newborn)? I had it done last august(2013) at 23. I am regretting it because i lost so much sensitivity. Feel free to share your experience...8 comments / Post Comment
ï»¿On an island full of Wild Things like this one? I'd never want to leave.
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Found this guy's bravery really inspiring. There's nothing sadder to me than when gay men, who should know what it's like to be bullied and rejected, turn around and laugh at, bully or reject one of their own. This story really touched me and left me feeling sad, though luckily there were some beautiful parts to it in The Black Cap pub in London, which I used to go to sometimes......video here...http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/video/2014/dec/08/what-happened-when-a-30-stone-man-entered-mr-gay-uk-stavros-louca-video 2 comments / Post Comment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glTM0B31Sk84 comments / Post Comment
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I graduated from engineering school recently, and I'm single. So with lots of free time and no partner equals a lot of jerking off. LOL. I've estimated that between the time I finished school (December 9, 2013) and the end of the year, I've jerked off about 50 plus times in a 3-week period. The average was two or so a day, though once it was 8 times from midnight till like 5 in the morning. LOL
So what's your record?78 comments / Post Comment
(When will these9 comments / Post Comment
I love you Davey and hope the meal was good21 comments / Post Comment
Can anyone tell me how to delete an accoun here?1 comments / Post Comment
I hear many complains about the blogs not working properly, or many that have given up using the section because it's never worked, after 955 days its still the same, write a blog thread and most of it's missing when you click send15 comments / Post Comment
So I was going through all my audio files and collections, trying to organise them a bit, when I discovered some wonderful gems I'd forgotten I had. Experienced a few minutes of utter bliss with this one and decided to recreate the moment I gradually and by accident discovered the sheer bliss in just listening to Queen vocals and share it with you guys. Sorry the screen capture is fuzzy; didn't set the resolution right. But that doesn't matter at all because the audio is the main thing. Screen capture doesn't process audio very well so did the audio separately and it's a teensy bit out of sync with the video. But the video is only incidental. It's when it gets to the pure Queen vocals that it's just lovely. :) Won't leave this up for more than a week cos don't want to screw up my youtube status.....Enjoy!.......https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt4bpr6texc
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in case I have missed anyone out here is a group hug and card; http://www.notonthehighstreet.com/system/product_images/images/001/355/189/original_pack-of-four-funny-christmas-cards.jpg4 comments / Post Comment
1 of my posts of a legal aged dude was taken down because apparently something happened, not in the video but in his real life, that was depressing for some people to think about. I am being facetious, obviously, but here is what I know: he started out as a naturist model as a child where nothing sexual was involved, then once he became legal he did a couple of hardcore vids (depending on your definition of "hardcore" I guess he fucked a blow up doll and jerked off in them) which netted him some decent money which he then used to buy a flashy sports car which he was driving at high speeds in when he was later killed in an accident. Yes, it is tragic. No, I don't think it should affect our opinion of how beautiful he is and that he was a legal, willing participant in the vids. No, I definitely don't think my video should have been taken down because some asshole reported it. I lost my Twitter recently for something just as stupid. The asshole ex of this dude I wasn't even dating but who took an interest in me reported me on a bogus charge ("targeted abuse" whatever the fuck that means) and I lost an account I had fostered for more than 5 years and about 11 thousand followers. But more than that I lost a creative outlet. My point being: Social media and blogs SHOULD NOT FALL PREY TO CENSORSHIP. I realize this is simply a porn site, but hey, to some people 50 Shades of Gray might be considered porn, would you like to burn that while you're at it? In future, to all those who "don't like" something I post or say, heed these words: FUCK OFF AND DON'T LOOK AT IT! And my intention was not to offend people, just to vent anger and make a point. I'm not interested in hearing more skeptical information about what happened to the dude in the video I posted. My choice is to watch his vid, enjoy a nice wank, and not much else.2 comments / Post Comment