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RELATIONSHIP? OR NOT?

Blog Last Activity 11 years ago 418 views 8 comments
Do u think some of the guys on here are REALLY in the relationships they claim? :P

I know a lot of gay boys in there teens and erly 20s where i live but dont know any who r in comitted long term relationships, yet on GBT it seems lots of guys are.

Do u thik its a case of a couple of days rooting, a couple of nites wathcing movies and clubing and BINGO suddenly u r claiming to be in a relationship.

(Wonder what the 'boyfriend' would say to find out hes magically manacled to tht 3 day one nite stand from last week?)

The way i see it Thomas - tolead - is in a relationsip; 30 years; but kinda wonder bout evryone else, especilly any that are under about 2 yers duration.

What is ur definition of a relationship?

Comments

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nate88
11 years ago

Someday, I could be as lucky in love as Thomas. Don't stay young forever. HARD to find anyone really 'loyal' anymore. I was looking but was advised to STOP! Love will come when least expected.
We'll See

Davey1965
11 years ago

I think long term relationships are fantastic and show true Loyalty.
Now thats what real love is and even, if things change due to healh problems
or disabilities,the love doesnt change,and often gets stronger.
Its nice to hear some personal stories shared.

steesbratt
11 years ago

Thomas thank you for sharing your beautiful story.

11 years ago

Professor...no need to be forgiven...it is a fact of my life. And you just provided an opportunity for me to share...not a big deal. We are who we are...we all have things in it that we didn't expect. And as you will find with me over time, I am pretty open about almost anything in my life. I believe that the act of sharing, is the act of caring....and if what i have learned over the years can be shared in a way that helps someone else live their life they way they would like it to be...it makes me happy.

11 years ago

Thomas , my friend I had no idea. forgive me. I didnt mean to bring up something so personal. I was speaking also from personal experience. My friend and her husband have been married for over 30 years. He recently suffered a stroke and while his personality and mind have not changed it left him wheelchair bound. They have not let this change their relationship one bit, infact she says if anything their friendship and love for eachother is stronger today than when they met. That is the kind of bond that you make when you make a commitment. I am so very happy for you Thomas, I pray that someday in my life I find someone like that.

11 years ago

Professor...very wise statements. Since I was mentioned here, I will try to add some perspective. Like Stees....we decided we were a couple pretty quickly...we me 12/13/1982..we went out on 12/17/1982...and when I woke up on 12/18/1982 I knew he was the one. Now that being said...it has been a journey...some good...some of it sucked...but we did it together. Perhaps in part we were helped that, I had already loved and lost..and we were a tad older...29 and 23 respectively....but through it all, we learned to share how we felt...what we needed from the other to feel whole and needed...and how to be the both authentic in each of ourselves...and still pliable and able to accommodate and appreciate each others needs and desires.. I will share an example. In my work life I am and was a driven business leader. I took charge..I was the center of my world. A friend that I worked with and later worked for me, went to dinner with my partner and I. The next day, he looked at me and asked, what had happened to me the night before. I was puzzled. And he explained that the strong opinionated person he worked with had disappeared at dinner. And I explained, that being the center of attention at work was something I loved, but when we as a couple were out, particularly with people from my world of work, my job was to make him the center of attention, to set up his stories...to let him shine in the moment..and for me to fade back...I wasn't a different person, I was just the husband I needed to be for him. It is about letting each of you in the relationship be yourself in the moment...and to take joy out of seeing it.

To the professors point about looking forward. While we aren't at the we do not have sex point, we have moved to my beloved being in a wheelchair and having mobility issues...has it changed our life...most definitely...is it what we expected or planned...absolutely not. but he is my love...my center...and I am his...it isn't about the physical...it is about the sharing of life...letting it intertwine with memories...with stories...with affection..and enjoying the journey as it enfolds...doing it together.

Sorry...I got a little emotional. I hope that explains a little. It is hard to put emotions and feelings and a life together into words that others can understand. Thanks for listening.

11 years ago

If your relationship is solely based on sex it is doomed to failure. If it is based on mutual respect and genuine love then the sex only a part of the equation. Soooooo many Hetro's get divorced today because they get married based on infatuation and passion but do not have respect. Friends first, Respect, lovers, then if it lasts commitment. ASk yourself, would you remain with this person if he were in a wheelchair and unable to have sex? Would your love be strong enough to see past the chair and to the person? If the answer is "Yes I dont care I would want to be with him no matter what." then you have the right mindset, now how does he feel?

steesbratt
11 years ago

Great subject, very few of our friends that are in the same age group are in long term relationships a few more now than when we were 17 and 18 when the only people we knew that were in long term relationships were older guys and we couldent do much with them because we were too young to go to the bars and the clubs. In all honesty we called ourselves a commited relationship after our 1st date but only because we didnt know any better lol. My definition of a relationship is commitment, understanding, acceptance, mutual respect and most importantly communication. I think a lot of younger people dont stay together because relationships are hard work, they are easy to start because you just want to be with that person and nothing else matters but after a while you have to fit everything back in to your life including friends, family, work, and school. All the things you thought were cute about someone start to be annoying so acceptance is a huge thing while you are getting to know someone. Our relationship is going on 5 years now so we are still exploring and learning, fortunately we both seem to want the relationship as much as the other so we work at it. It is by no means perfect but what is in life, and I still get excited when I see him after school or after work. One thing I know is we have a lot to learn from people like Thomas who have 30 years together and we are willing to learn.