JcLove's Blogs

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lockdown! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting worse. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end, the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the doorknob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together

Question: What do you call a chameleon that can't change color?

Answer: A reptile dysfunction

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl

Thanks Jclove for your comment below

I was at the checkout of a local Walmart.

The cashier rang up $46.64 charges.

I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.

I gave the money back to her and told her that she

had made a mistake in MY favour.

She became indignant and informed me she was educated and

knew what she was doing, and she returned the money again.

I gave her the money back -- same scenario!

I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us! .....

I walked into a Starbucks with a

buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.

I handed it to the girl and she looked over at

a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'

"They're already buy-one- get-one-free," she said,

"so I guess they're both free."

She handed me my free lattes, and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us! .....

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends,

when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"

Someone looked up at the sky and asked, "Where?"

They Walk Among Us! .....

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent

which direction was north; because, he explained,

he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East,

and has for sometime; she shook her head and said,

"Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."

They Walk Among Us!! .....

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.

One day I got a call from an individual who asked

what hours the call center was open.

I told him, "The number you dialed is open

24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us! .....

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car

designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us! .....

My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed

that the cases were discounted 10%.

Since it was a big party, we bought two cases.

The cashier multiplied two times 10%

and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us! .....

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area,

so I went to the lost luggage office and

told the woman there that my bags never showed up.

She smiled and told me not to worry because

she was a trained professional, and I was in good hands.

"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

So I replied, "No Ma'am, The Pilot told us we're circling the airport, 3rd in line to land" .....

They Walk Among Us! .....

While working at a pizza place, I observed

a man ordering a small pizza to go.

He appeared to be alone, and the cook asked him

if he would like it cut into four pieces or six..

He thought about it for some time before responding.

"Just cut it into four pieces.

I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat six pieces."

Yep, they walk among us;

and worse yet, the really scary part is......

THEY REPRODUCE!!!!!