Struggling with internalized homophobia. Asking why me ? I'm in a society that will not accept me, and somehow I can deal with that but that has programmed me and I cannot accept myself.Â
I really just need friends to talk to where I can be myself. So if I see a hot guy I can see that. I cannot share that with anybody. My best friends here I have to go "Yeah she is hot" Â but cannot go "Shit did you see the new BS video ?"
Also I'm Bi, need people to understand that I'm not in denial about being gay. I do fantasize about girls. Need to talk to someone who is bi and how they perceive things. By coming out as Bi you cock block yourself, I'm not into guys or girls at the same time. I can go a week being 100% straight and then a a week being 100% gay... so is that Bi ? Topics like that. Intellectual conversations etc etc.
I need to have someone that just accepts me for who I am. Need to talk about coming to terms with my sexuality, how to get over a guy who is straight that you cannot have, why the new IOS sucks.
Just want nice friends...
Send me friend requests if you like my idea. Maybe we should start a chat group called just for friendly chat
My first time was with a friend that delivered morning papers.  I was helping and he had always turned me on, but I had never said anything to him.  We hadn’t known each other long and we were becoming good friends.  We were walking along me delivering one side of the street and him the other.  I reached down and put his hand in my hand.  He asked if I was scared and I told him no, just wanted to hold your hand.  Never held hands with a boy before he said, I told him I hadn’t either but I just like you a lot.  Then he said how much do you like me, and I said a lot.  Why he said?  Cause I think you’re beautiful.  Now you’re sounding gay he said.  I asked him if that was bad, and he said no not really, I have a cousin that’s gay and I like him.  Then I had to ask him “can I suck your dick?  He said he didn’t care, but only if I wanted to.  We both were 12 years old. Â
we walked behind some bushes and I got on my knees.  I rubbed the outside of his pants and I could feel him getting hard.  I undid his pants and then pulled them down.  Kissed his dick through his underwear and then pulled them down.  I grabbed his balls, and then put his dick in my mouth.  I sucked on it for a while, then started to go up and down it in my mouth.  He said “that feels real good” and I said I was glad that he liked it.  I kept sucking and going up and down on it.  Then he said somethings happening.  He then squirted his cum in my mouth.  He was in ecstasy, it was his first time to cum, ever, and it just happened to be in my mouth.  I tried to swallow it but couldn’t keep it down, it was to thick and to sticky I think, so I had to spit it out.  He was amazed at it and shined the flashlight on it.  It’s all white he said. Will that happen every time I suck it.  I said yes but he could do it himself and I showed him how I wanked it and then I cummed.  It wasn’t my first time, I wanked off a lot.  After that time I did suck his dick off several times and he told me he just loved me sucking his dick.  I asked him if he could suck my dick, he said he didn’t think he could, but he would think about it.  He waited to long, my parents sold our house there and had bought another one a long ways away, we were always moving.  They would buy a house, fix it up, sell it, then move into another fixer upper.  I found others that let me suck their dicks though, but never forgot my paperboy friend, I was the first to suck him and make him cum for the first time.  Not many wanted to reciprocate though.  I didn’t care, I knew I had pleased them and that made me feel good.  I love pleasing males sexually.  Either orally, anally or I love rimming the right ass.
