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Being HIV Positive and sex
In the few days I've been here I have already been asked several times why I choose to abstain from sex. I thought I would explain it to everyone at once.
When I was on the streets I was very popular. I had anywhere from 5 to 15 clients in one night. Some used comdoms most didnt (they paid an extra $100 not to use a condom) Somewhere in that time I was infected. I know it was from sex because I never did needles, meth being my poision of choice. When I got busted and put into rehab I was 16 I had been with hundreds of men. I was the skinny twink that everyone wanted. Then came the news, I was HIV positive. Wait I was a kid! How could this happen to me? Well it did, all the gallons of cum churning inside me did the deed, one or more of the tricks had AIDS and infected me and who knows how many I infected after that. My parents refused to let me come home, Dear Daddy was into Chicago politics and it wouldnt look good for his son to be a street hustler so I went to a halfway house.
In the halfway house there were other guys like me who had been on the streets young and hot. Each of us had been through so much and most had some kind of chemical dependancy we were fighting, sex was not much of an issue. Meth is a monster of a habit to beat, but knowing that you have HIV and that using METH on top of it will kill you faster gave me a true incentive. I watched the others in the house slip, back they would fuck each other at night or use heroin. I was determined not to fall back into that trap. There were 4 of us in my room. I was the first to get out.
When I did my social worker Cecilia, a delightful no nonsense woman, kind of like a grandma/ drill seargent got me a stock boy job at Home Depot which I love, (You should see my biceps from lifting lumber all day MMMMmmmmmm) And she helped me get an apartment with a subsedized rent so I can make it with my pay. I have at work how are friends because they like me not because they want to fuck me.
Now that I am a part of the "real" world as I call it I made the decision not to release the poision that I carry from my old life on some unexpecting person. I am a very heavy cummer, in otherwords I produce a lot of semen. Every drop could contain the AIDs virus. I ruined my early life with poor choices. I dont want to let a moment of passion ruin some other persons life. You can say, "use a condom" but condoms break, or dont cum inside him, but I leak a lot, or do oral there are 100 reasons you can give me to try it. I can give you 1, my semen can kill someone.
I have thought of looking for a HIV positive partner, however a lot of the sexually active HIV men are so active they have other STDs they simply don't care anymore. I dont want to add anything. Thats the last thing I need is Hep C or something else as my Immune system is already compromised.
So that is my story, that is my decision as to why I dont want to have sex with another person. Blowup dolls are out of the question, I couldnt stop laughing! So its just my Right hand on odd days , my left hand on even days and my fleshlight on Sunday.
When I was on the streets I was very popular. I had anywhere from 5 to 15 clients in one night. Some used comdoms most didnt (they paid an extra $100 not to use a condom) Somewhere in that time I was infected. I know it was from sex because I never did needles, meth being my poision of choice. When I got busted and put into rehab I was 16 I had been with hundreds of men. I was the skinny twink that everyone wanted. Then came the news, I was HIV positive. Wait I was a kid! How could this happen to me? Well it did, all the gallons of cum churning inside me did the deed, one or more of the tricks had AIDS and infected me and who knows how many I infected after that. My parents refused to let me come home, Dear Daddy was into Chicago politics and it wouldnt look good for his son to be a street hustler so I went to a halfway house.
In the halfway house there were other guys like me who had been on the streets young and hot. Each of us had been through so much and most had some kind of chemical dependancy we were fighting, sex was not much of an issue. Meth is a monster of a habit to beat, but knowing that you have HIV and that using METH on top of it will kill you faster gave me a true incentive. I watched the others in the house slip, back they would fuck each other at night or use heroin. I was determined not to fall back into that trap. There were 4 of us in my room. I was the first to get out.
When I did my social worker Cecilia, a delightful no nonsense woman, kind of like a grandma/ drill seargent got me a stock boy job at Home Depot which I love, (You should see my biceps from lifting lumber all day MMMMmmmmmm) And she helped me get an apartment with a subsedized rent so I can make it with my pay. I have at work how are friends because they like me not because they want to fuck me.
Now that I am a part of the "real" world as I call it I made the decision not to release the poision that I carry from my old life on some unexpecting person. I am a very heavy cummer, in otherwords I produce a lot of semen. Every drop could contain the AIDs virus. I ruined my early life with poor choices. I dont want to let a moment of passion ruin some other persons life. You can say, "use a condom" but condoms break, or dont cum inside him, but I leak a lot, or do oral there are 100 reasons you can give me to try it. I can give you 1, my semen can kill someone.
I have thought of looking for a HIV positive partner, however a lot of the sexually active HIV men are so active they have other STDs they simply don't care anymore. I dont want to add anything. Thats the last thing I need is Hep C or something else as my Immune system is already compromised.
So that is my story, that is my decision as to why I dont want to have sex with another person. Blowup dolls are out of the question, I couldnt stop laughing! So its just my Right hand on odd days , my left hand on even days and my fleshlight on Sunday.
The best day of my life was when I came on to an undercover cop and was busted. I weighed 97 lbs. by that point I couldnt get a guy for free. I called my father and you already know what happened but the cop helped me get into the program that saved my life. Hooked me up with my social worker Cecilia, I wont tell you that it was easy, it wasnt. There were days when I thought my insides were going to come out of my mouth. Oh my god the pain, everything I had hurt. I had lost some of my fingernails due to malnutrition but they were growing out again. After I had beaten my own devil I began putting on weight but the METH cravings were still there and I guess will always be there. Thats when I found out I was HIV positive. I called my father again and our number had been changed, I called his office and his secretary told me that he would not take my call and she had been instructed to tell me not to call back. It was then and there I decided that I was going to make it, I was going to show him that I was going to survive. One day I will walk right up to him and look him in the eye and say remember me, I'm you son!
Cecilia keeps me rooted in reality taking thinks one day at a time. I take my meds. My white cell count is good, meaning the HIV virus is dormant so far.my weight is good and muscle tone is excellent (I love lifting lumber and shit all day great workout) No one here at the Depot knows of my past but I am always fearful that one of my previous clients* will come in and reckognize me..
Anyway Kiwi I rambled off the subject, its just that I never get to talk about my past to anyone that could understand. Sorry. To answer your question, junkies blow through their cash like piss.
If u were making thousands of dollars a week - 15 clients per day at $100 per time - multiplied by 7 days - multiplied by several yrs - why do u need to work at Home Depot? why aint u living the high life in Palm Beach?
not to Infect others.We could easily Judge you for your past but thats not why were here.
Its great that you found a Social Worker willing to help you get your life back to normal
with an Apartment to live in, and a good Job which, looks like it keeps you really fit.
I welcome you to GBT, and i have alot of respect for you, for sharing your story.
Take Care....david 8-)
Wiith so much support and hope an love David