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GUYS WITH PROBLEMS AND FEELING DEPRESED
There have been a few blogs and wall posts lately, including at lest 2 today alone, bout guys feeling depresed or even suicidal.
Lots of guys then post messages telling them to talk to a friend or family or whatevr, and it doesnt look like it work s to well because they r bak a bit later with another blog post bout how miserabl they are.
I reckon half the problem - and why none of the helpo seems to work - is becaue of talkin to people who know u well.
Often frinds and family or priests or whoever dont mean to but they can think "oh god not him whining again" and roll their eyes when someon asks for help and fob u off to get u out the door asap.
I know a guy (not me btw) who was feelin relly down, depressed and kinda suicidal and talkin to family, councillors, his priest and friends wasnt helping much - so what he did was this -
A new neighbour had moved in next door, he didnt kno them from a bar of soap, an so he just knocked on the door and said "my lifes falling apart i relly need someon to tlak to, will u listen to me?" - and bein a relly polite person they invited him in for a cup of tea.
He felt 1000 times better BECAUSE HE DIDNT KNOW THEM and they ddint know him so he cuould get it all off his chest, and they gave him unbiasd practicle advice - which he endd up following - and which actully solved his probs.
Maybe Kyle94 and Billy and some other dudes may want to try this - and if the first door u knock on is slamed in ya face keep knocking on doors til ya find someon who will listen to u.
Hope this helps HUGS :)
Lots of guys then post messages telling them to talk to a friend or family or whatevr, and it doesnt look like it work s to well because they r bak a bit later with another blog post bout how miserabl they are.
I reckon half the problem - and why none of the helpo seems to work - is becaue of talkin to people who know u well.
Often frinds and family or priests or whoever dont mean to but they can think "oh god not him whining again" and roll their eyes when someon asks for help and fob u off to get u out the door asap.
I know a guy (not me btw) who was feelin relly down, depressed and kinda suicidal and talkin to family, councillors, his priest and friends wasnt helping much - so what he did was this -
A new neighbour had moved in next door, he didnt kno them from a bar of soap, an so he just knocked on the door and said "my lifes falling apart i relly need someon to tlak to, will u listen to me?" - and bein a relly polite person they invited him in for a cup of tea.
He felt 1000 times better BECAUSE HE DIDNT KNOW THEM and they ddint know him so he cuould get it all off his chest, and they gave him unbiasd practicle advice - which he endd up following - and which actully solved his probs.
Maybe Kyle94 and Billy and some other dudes may want to try this - and if the first door u knock on is slamed in ya face keep knocking on doors til ya find someon who will listen to u.
Hope this helps HUGS :)
Coming from someone who suffered from depression since his teens, I can offer you the following observations of what did work for me, and others I know who were depressed :
( 1 ) AN IMPARTIAL EAR. Yes .. speaking to someone who is not a part of your daily life is a LOT more helpful to a depressed person. They need to find a person who isn't connected, in any way, to the problems they are experiencing. Sometimes a complete stranger can help. ( 2 ) HONESTY. The depressed individual has to be totally honest with the person who is trying to help them. eg: when explaining that your best friend dumped you, don't omit the fact that you called him an asshole the day before, because he refused to loan you $60 so you could head out to a Bar that night, and party. It's an important detail ! Don't just feed them info that makes you look good, and omit things that might not make you look so good. ( 3 ) LISTEN. When the person listening offers advice back to you .. * listen * to them. Don't start talking over top of them, or get upset because the advice they are offering isn't exactly what you want to hear. Remember that this is only their opinion based on the info you have given them. Remember also that *you* asked for their help !!
After spending more than 10 years on internet forums, and web sites like this one, I can tell you what DOESN'T work for a person that is depressed :
( 1 ) POSTING DRAMATIC ANNOUNCEMENTS. (AGH !! I wanna die ! , AGH !!! My friend/partner broke up with me ! , etc.) will initially attract some attention to the person making that dramatic announcement, but seeking comfort from 500 random people who barely know you won't help much. Sure, a sympathetic pat on the back or a few kind words give some momentary comfort, but 500 people all posting things like "Geez .. that's too bad, man !" or " Wow .. that sucks. " won't solve your problem at all. ( 2 ) IGNORING ADVICE. When people take time to listen to you, and then offer you some sensible advice ... DON'T IGNORE IT. I've seen depressed people offered solid advice, and they then ignore it as the solution requires some effort and they don't want to try. There is no fix to your problems if you are unwilling to even try !!!
That's my advice for the day ... from a guy who has been there !! :-)