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I really do not know where else to ask about this. But i sure as hell could do with some help

Blog Last Activity 11 years ago 937 views 25 comments
Does this sound foolish or is it possible to still be abused by your father at the age of 18 nearly 19? Like would you consider this abuse....Today my dad would not stop shouting at me calling me ''simple and worthless'' over really little things that i do wrong. Like it's been this way for years. He's made it clear to me since i was at least 10 that i was a mistake and my other brothers are his favourite and he has no time for me. Every week theres always something he will call (not in a joking way, but just in a way to knock my selfconfidence and make me feel like shit). I have to walk around the house looking at the ground so i dont make eye contact with him because if i do it will just be a cold stare off him or he would shake his head at me.
I would move out but i have zero money or i would get a job but theres absolutely no jobs.
Do i sound stupid? or can you really still get ''mentally abused'' at my age?
my self esteem and confidence is already low enough im not sure i can take alot more of this. i would love to hit him in the face but he would just hit back.
i started to shove a pin into myself the last couple of days to block getting angry but one of my friends seen all the dots on my arm from doing that and doesnt think its such a good idea!

I didnt lie about a thing i just said there. i really do need some answers!
To put it correctly im extremely fucking miserable.
i told him today im hoping to go on holidays for a week and he just laughed at me and just said il never do anything with my life.
He says that alot that i will never do anything with my life...and the worst part is im starting to believe him! i dont think i could spend another minute doing nothing with my life and being at home.

i no i may sound silly, im really not trying to. i just really cant explain it

please anyone know what i can do?

Comments

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11 years ago

Tom clearly your Dad is a bully.The sooner you can get away from home the better because he will never change.Then you should set about proving him wrong not just to show him up for what he is but for your own esteem.He is in effect putting a curse on you and you need to get from under his influence as soon as possible.Is there no one you could go and stay with such as an uncle or grandparent.I do hope Tom you can sort this out because you clearly better than him.Let your friends on GBT know how things evolve

zendenrd2000
zendenrd2000
11 years ago

Hi Tom, I used to have the same problem. My Dad, who I loved and admired, would just argue or ignore me. It took me till I was thirty to come out and thirty three to him. Nothing changed until sadly he had died. You see the problem he had was that he always felt he had let me down when I was young and that eat at at the very core of who he was. I suffered for it but, and it's a big but, I came through, did what wanted to do and was in spite him of him successful. Yes it is mental abuse if you let it be. Tom he can only hurt you if you let him. You are a unique being on this world of ours, that he cannot see that is his loss, please Tom don't make it yours, be everything you can be and believe in you. As halix say's take it one step at a time. I'm in my sixties now and have had a good life, pain yes, but joy too and that's what matters. Smile and the world smiles with you, I smile for you, smile back!!

11 years ago

Hi Tom I am really sorry to hear of your situation believe me i am. i Truly believe that things will work out for u soon just keep believing in yourself and take one step at a time.

JohnnyBoy20012
JohnnyBoy20012
11 years ago

Hey Tom I glad to be your friend. Thanks for the chat last night. I am free tonight to talk to you again. Just keep your head high and don't give up a job will be calling you and soon enough you have enough money to live on your own. I will be there every step of the way so if you feel hopeless just message me and I will come running. Big special hugs for you.

11 years ago

my heart feels really warm,....actually thats not the way to say it.....my heart is folding more like! thank u guys for caring for me.....caring enough to write back to me :) i really think if it wasnt for this site i would be dead right now....so thank u :) i just set up msn aswell so u can add me if u like :) my msn addy is superpitcher@hotmail.com itd be great to really talk to u guys on it x

11 years ago

Just remember, you can PM me at anytime. Also wheather you have a good relationship with your parents or not, this day must come for all of us. We must move out and make our own way in the world. You will be a better man for it.

11 years ago

Thanks guys for writing back to me...iv decided to try move to the otherside of the country to try and get into college i a couple of months. but u no the one thing that really kills me? all i think about when i think of moving away? (don't think im a loser for this)But i always have an image of coming home after being away for a few years and my mom has aged really bad....like grey hairs and speaks with a really old voice and looks in her 80s. Always frightens me! me and my mam have probly the best relationship a mother and son can imagine, and shes fuckin miserable with him but cant leave him. so that always tares me apart thinking about that aggghhhhh. nevermind.
Thanks again for writing back guys :) had another horribly miserable and awkward day. of minding my own business and getting taunted at and doors closed in my face.dunno why iv left this go on for so long. like i cant even remmeber howi used to manage it as a child. just a good thiing i blocked alot of my childhood out i suppose. btw im gonna set up a msn account and itd be great if some of u could add me just for support. i think my only friend that knows about this is starting to feel the weight of everytime im feeling like jumping off a cliff or having to stick his finger down my troat. thanks x

11 years ago

Tom, I understand completely what you are going through. My father was much like yours, he was a police man and saw much evil in his day to day life and when he came home he had no one but me and my mother to take it out on. This went on from the time I was small till I was about 19. My father and I actually came to blows in our living room. It was at that point that I realize if I was going to remain there I would never feel good about myself or my father nor would I ever be a success. I left the next day. I moved in with a friend and stayed there till I could get into college. I put myself through college, I was 19 there was nothing he could do to stop me, nothing he could say about where I lived or with who in fact he didnt know for many months where I went. When I graduated college I went to see him and my mother and told them I was going on to med school. Shortly after that My Mother died. I kept in touch with my father and we mended our relationship, it was never the touchy feely relationship and that was because it was just not "his way" but I feel we put a lot of the anger behind us and had a good relationship till he died a few years later. I did get to see him eat his words when I became a Doctor. Nothing would have ever happened if I had not gotten out of the abusive relationship at the beginning! You have to go now! Its time!

Toby19
Toby19
11 years ago

Hi Tom, mental abuse is abuse and yes it doesn't matter what age you are. he uses insults and fear to make you feel this way, he is a bully..:( first your not worthless and your not useless. if your now starting to self harm to relive the pain you feel, i urge you to go and see your doctor and explain your situation and the way you feel, he will help you, its the first step on helping yourself deal with this situation, and knowing your not alone. also if your finding work hard to come by maybe think about doing some voluntary work, its good for self esteem and confidence, plus it gets you out of the house, you meet new people and it can also lead to payed work... Take care, love Toby

11 years ago

u never said anything about ur mom... where is she?

11 years ago

hi Tom..my advice to u..is try and get a job where u can 'live in' the hotel trade is in my opinion is the best option for u..i have worked and lived in for 4 years..started at the bottom (well near the bottom) and worked my way up the ladder..i have my own suite in the hotel..upgraded from a room when i was promoted..it's a great life as u make new friends..the wages are not fantastic at the bottom of the scale but it costs u nothing to live apart from your personal extra's..i met my bf in the hotel about 2 years ago and he shares my suite..as well as my shower and bed!!
i hope that it all works out for you..msg me if u want any advice..HUGS Russ.

11 years ago

Abuse is abuse 4 or 40

fungus320
fungus320
11 years ago

Hi Tom

My heart bleeds for you and I can't hope to understand what you are going through. Your father is shit. But it maybe time for you to move on in your life. Look forward and not backwards. Remember thousands of people your age died in the world wars. So please move on and find a place where you are happy (it does happen). Do not get me wrong, I am not saying you are a kid and needs to grow up. All of us need to grow up more. You are gay so what?

AS Kipling said and I paraphrase " you are a man my son" but the transition from boy to man can be hard. I wish I could beside you and hold you. Anyone can abuse you mentally but erect a barrier and say I am a man and say to yourself I am what I am and you should go away.

If you wish to chat I am always available

Love David

11 years ago

this time of year is good for finding work.....Aberdeen has 2 universities and the majority of students head home for Christmas leaving behind loads of part time anf full time vacancies. Employment is high in Aberdeen. I live in the city centre.

borriblerule
borriblerule
11 years ago

keep yer head up dude, n stop the self abuse. you get enuff abuse from yer dad, so y add to it? its hard, n it sux, but wen you make it through you're gonna realize that yer able to deal with sooo much more. i got a bro who's an abusive self-righteousashore, so i sorta know how it is. head up, fuck em all. yer gonna make it through. and be stronger than you ever thought possible.

11 years ago

Alan - are there many jobs in the scotish highlands? i mean if someone wanted to work can they get it? if so then Tom's prob is solved, he could sleep on ya couch and start a perfectly good job and slip u a few quid when he gets paid.

11 years ago

I know it's not the done thing but if life gets to a beaking point and you are desperate I have room for you. I already "look after" Kali aka Fearless who has had a shitty life with his parents. Kali is 19 and at this moment (06.20 ... 02 Dec 1012) is upstairs fucking his girlfriend, he's bi.....lol

JohnnyBoy20012
JohnnyBoy20012
11 years ago

Tom your not a big baby. We are family to you I am willing to spend all night chatting with you if you need that friend. Don't worry I would not stalk you or anything England is far from Canada. If you do get MSN I will be willing to chat. I am willing to stay up late if anything tonight. Like I said in a pm I am reaching out to you I would love to get to know you. Just remember people here will listen. Life will get better when you find work and live on your own. Big special hugs for you buddy.

11 years ago

U r not bein a baby Tom - but seriously, u need to start tomorrow lookin for a job; knock on the door of evry business in town saying "hi im Tom willing to work" an then the next town, an the one next to that (etc) until ya find one "on ya bike" - once u have a job ya make plans to leave ASAP. Or u can stay where u r an be abused 100 times a day for the next 10 yers. Up to u babe; if u really care bout yourself u will look for work - an yeah u r goin to be knocked back 5008 times but if ya keep at it, keep knockin on doors an u will find a job.

11 years ago

thanks for writing back people. i really dont know what the fuck to do! i live in england. and its 5am....ive been laying here all not not being able to sleep hoping someone will have alll the right answers on here....i dont care if ya stalk me haha but seriously, is there any websites out there?? or am i just being a big baby? i dont wanna sound like a baby but this has put a massive strain on me and i dont no what to do with myself :(

11 years ago

Tom - do u mind if i ask wher u live? (i aint stalking u haha)