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I've recently found an old friend I went to elementary school with on Facebook. I had a dream about him the night before and this really odd feeling came over me when I woke up... so I used Google to look him up and turns out he has a FB page. As soon I saw his picture, the feeling that I felt when I woke up just... Exploded? I should mention I just recently accepted that I was gay and nothing was going to change that. So I started -looking- for guys to be with because that feeling of being alone every night and having no one to really connect with absolutely sucked. So lately I've desperately been trying to meet new guys (having no school/job limits my searches in person). When I saw his picture of him grown up, I just... I can't even describe how I felt. It was like, "That's him. Right there, that's who I want to be with". So I friended him, and checked FB on my phone so many times during that day. Once he accepted it was like, "YES!! One step closer, come on!". I sent him a message saying something like, "thanks for accepting, how are you etc." and he responded with "yeah it's been so long, how/where are you?"... but when I replied to that he didn't reply at all... So in that feeling of what I can only assume/imagine is "Love" I desperately wanted him to reply... so I sent him another... coded/subliminal message saying, "I respect you for (what your pix show on FB) everything". Really I meant, "I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen and since you're working towards being something that I've wanted to be as a kid, I want to get to know you more"... Looking back it's like, how the hell could I say that? I probably scared him off and sounded like someone with no life that sits on FB all day... which btw, I don't. I go on facebook maybe twice a week just to check friend requests/messages and to see what my mom posts :P.

So getting to the point... I need to know how to get over this feeling of, I was potentially so close to being with someone but now its ruined. To put that feeling in a better perspective, I play video games more than I should, and I jerk off AT LEAST once a day depending on where I am/who is around. Since I had that dream, I haven't sat down and played a video game for more than 10 minutes because I can't stop thinking about him and I haven't jerked off since the night of the dream. Last time I saw him was 5 years ago, and haven't thought about him since then (I thought he was pretty cute back then but wasn't sure if I was gay or straight). I'm writing this out of...... desperation? I need help and ideas of how to stop thinking about him ALL THE TIME.. I haven't eaten a lot, and I've been lost. I've never had this before and I thought after a few days it would at least mellow down but it's been 6 days since the dream and it's been Hell the whole time. Day and night. I don't want to sleep because I want to see his picture just one more time, or check the messages to see if he responded.. I should also note, I don't talk about my true feelings with anyone and most likely never will any time soon (unless I meet someone, of course). So writing about this I guess is helping both about my feelings for him and helping me be more open. I appreciate any help you guys can give me. :)