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Where are you now, David?

Blog Last Activity 9 years ago 554 views 15 comments
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Caveate: This is not a sex story. When I was around 12, I had a huge crush on a boy named David. I remember that he was unusual because he had his own motor transport to school. It was a small blue scooter that apparently didn't require a license to drive or no one simply cared.) He was thin, dark haired, wore mostly blue, and he was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. Our school had organized a bus field trip to another city, far away, to see a replica of Shakespeares "Globe Theater."On the way, I couldn't believe how lucky I was that he was assigned to sit next to me. I had the window seat,he had the aisle, and I was so nervous on the trip over. Would he suspect that I just wanted to hug him,nuzzle his ear,and ask him if he liked me too? I was sure he could tell, as my palms were sweaty and my face was flushed,particularly when his leg brushed mine. Finally, we arrived and were given the complete tour. I had actually appeared in a play at this location years earlier (I was the lead in the musical "Oliver!"), and knew the replica like the back of my hand, so I wanted so much to show David all of the hidden stairs,trap doors,and costume rooms with suits of armor and fake fencing foils. I wanted to take him under the dark stage,when no one was looking,put my arms around his neck and whisper "I love you."Instead?David ran off and spent most of his time exploring by himself. I couldn't reach him. He wasn't spending time with girls, or people more popular than me. He was simply off by himself, up stairs and through passageways,observing the architecture with a detached,clinical analysis. I was so disappointed. I so wanted to reach out to him, and tell him I thought he was the most wonderful thing in the world. And then, the tour ended. On the way back, he had the same seat next to me. It was night time, and most of us were being slowly lulled to sleep by the hum of the bus wheels and engine under dim lights. And then it happened. David had been nodding off for the last several minutes, and his beautiful head had been slowly falling in the direction of my left shoulder. "Please, please, please!" I thought to myself, and in fact, my prayer was answered. His head came to rest on my left shoulder, and I could smell his hair and the shampoo he used--a scent that I will never forget. But something even more. I realized that David was so tired from the trip, that his head was slowly slipping down my chest, and eventually rested in my lap. He was sleeping soundly, like an angel, with his head in my lap, and at that minute there was nothing more that I wanted in the world than to be there with him. I couldn't help myself. I reached down to touch his hair, and we continued that way for the rest of the trip. Back in school, the instructor wanted to start a discussion about what we thought of the replica, and what we took away from the trip. We talked about the Bard. We talked about how it was customary in that time to have boys play the parts of women. We talked about Romeo and Juliet, Julius Ceasar, and the terrible tragedy of Hamlet. And then, one of David's friends piped up:"Do you know that David spent the last part of the trip with his head in Will's lap?" I was devastated. I was crushed. And the entire class went silent. David only ever said one thing to me again, and that was "You could have woken me up!" For those of you who believe that this story didn't happen--it did. And it's still a great source of pain to me. If I had told David how I felt, would things have turned out differently? I miss you David, wherever you are. And I regret...<br /><br /><img src="http://i.imgur.com/LhhSQUx.jpg" alt="" width="400" height="541" />

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9 years ago

@playbuddy123....another very moving and sad story Jake. Thank you for sharing it. What a terrible thing for adults, especially teachers, to teach young boys that friendship and love is wrong. I'm sure you bear the scares of that ordeal, yet, I know you, and you are a very kind and wonderful guy. I hope that one day you will find your soulmate. You deserve someone special bud. (((hugz)))

9 years ago

Some good things written on this blog lunar and very intresting and hope this blog stays up for some time

superslammer
9 years ago

What a horrible story. I mean not how you wrote it or anything, but it's just horribly sad. But the people here are right. A lot of us share similar experiences. When I was in school though, most of the boys and girls I knew were awful people. I grew up in Southern Indiana, and well I just didnt find many people attractive. When the internet came along in the early 90s, I was able to see what boys looked like in other areas and thats when I was absolutely sure about my sexuality. I mean I did have some feelings before, and was pretty sure... but none of the boys did it for me. I couldn't imagine touching any of them. Later in life though, in my very early 20s, I had a similar experience to what you describe. A boy spent the night with me.. he was a month away from his 18th birthday... We shared a bed but nothin more happened and I'm positive he turned out gay. but I just didnt have the guts to tell him I thought he was a cutie. And later when he found out I was gay, he just faded right out of my life.

9 years ago

Wow Lunarwill. You described that experience so well, captured all its emotional nuance and detail, and really, this is one of my favorite blog posts in a while. Those little heartbreaks are something we can all relate to so much. Thanks very very much for posting this. Hugs. Braedan

9 years ago

I'm a bit overwhelmed emotionally by the kind responses here. Thanks so much. It helps me a bit to know that I wasn't the only one to go through this type of pain. Playbuddy/Jake: I'm very sorry to hear of your experience. I see things changing for the better in some ways, in some parts of the world, and that also gives me hope. Thanks to everyone for their input. Hugs and best wishes. - Lunar.

9 years ago

Beautiful story..and so sad. We can hope the day comes when affection between people can be accepted for just that.

9 years ago

So sweet, so touching, and yes, so sad too. In a way your story personifies experiences most of us had as young gay/bi boys. The details of our individual stories might be somewhat different, but the general storyline and outcomes are, unfortunately similar and full of regrets. Brought back some memories for me too. Had we responded differently at the time would things have gotten worse...or would our dreams have come true? Thanks for sharing your story Lunarwill. A very nice blog indeed. (((hugz))) to you.

9 years ago

Thank you for the kind comments, tlh and jc.

9 years ago

A very nice blog and i to think about the past alot to

9 years ago

Gutting dude but back then when you were 12 its understandable why you did it. Back when I was younger I had a friend who put his head in his best friends lap on occasion and had him stroke his long dark hair. Can't believe they just did it back then

9 years ago

Thanks for the comment, Giles. Always enjoy your posts, and glad you are a friend here.

mophead2009
9 years ago

thanks for sharing - i too have a tale of regret - if only i had said yes instead of no and if rumours hadnt been spread my life would be so different hey ho in the end i found friends here - giles