northhunter's Blogs

Playing along

northhunter Blog Last Activity 8 years ago 498 views 8 comments
<p>I wasn't sure what to title this post. I wanted to ask if any of you played along in high school so no one would find out about you being gay? I mean dating girls and even having sex a few times as crazy as that sounds. I knew people would talk eventualy if I didn't go out and if I did go out and nothing happened that would get talked about too. Does that mean you would be bisexual? Or that I am bisexual because I actually had sex sometimes with girls? You can find out all kinds of opinions and articles about this online by the way, some say yes some say no and some seem to be neutral. I didn't feel repulsed by girls but I didn't feel the atraction like I experience when with a guy. Once I was out of school I never dated girls again though I have friends that are female I do things with, non sexual things I mean.</p>
<p>I remember thinking I was different when I was pretty young but wasn't sure what it was exactly. I found myself more intrested in the young guys in a movie than the young guys. Later when i found out what "gay" was I thought to myself "Oh shit! That's what I am" and I remember being scared for a lot of different reasons.  I  also became friends with guys I secertly felt aattracted to and acted normal when we did stuff together like hunting, fishing or the things you do with friends in a small town.</p>
<p>Looking back now it all seems kind of crazy but at the time I was just a scared gay kid in school. One of my biggest fears and somethinng i had dreams about was getting an erection in gym when we all showered together. That never happened though there were some close calls.But I was terrified it would happen. Can anyone else relate to this? I know some of you my age or even older could be openly gay in school and it wasn't a big deal depending on where you live. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else and there must be did what I did in school so no one would know your secret? I also wanted to say how much I regret living the lie that I did. If I couuld do it over I would have been open about who I really was. And i would have told people I cared about but never had the chance to say it, or rather didn't have the courage to do so. No idea where some of those guys are now.  Guess I'm just rambling about my thought's I find myself having and figured I could say them here. I'm sure others have told their stories and they are somewhere way back in the blog pages. So mine is now added. Hope it made some sense considering I'm writing this so late at night. Probably look at this tomorrow and wonder what the hell I was thinking! So respond, don't respond just throwing my thoughts out there. Later folks! Oh yeah, call your mother if you still have that luxury and wish her a Happy Mothers Day. You won't always have that option.</p>

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8 years ago

Whats a better gift for you mom on mother's day then telling her you like dick in yer mouth and ass.....

swiftjohn
swiftjohn
8 years ago

I can certainly relate to this. When I was in my early teens, my friends got ahold of a Playboy magazine. They were oohing and aahing but I felt absolutely nothing but oohed and aahed along with them. My favorite class was phys/ed. Not because of the athletics but rather the shower afterwards. I liked the feeling of being naked around other naked boys and there were a few boys whose bodies I found irresistible to look at. I would always try to shower next to one of them and let my eyes roam their bodies when they weren't looking. Then at night I would recall the imagery and masturbate to it. I knew then that I was homosexual. But I was also aware of the negative attitude towards homosexuality in my immediate environment so I hid it. As we got older, my friends started dating girls. At this time, my homosexual desires were also becoming much more developed and powerful. Their girlfriends would try to set me up with one of their girlfriends and it was hard to get out of. And when I did go out with them, I felt uncomfortable, didn't have much to say and felt great relief when the date was over. And I never once tried to have sex with them because I knew I wouldn't be able to get hard. To avoid these kinds of set-ups, I got a job where I'd be working Friday and Saturday nights for no other reason than to have a socially acceptable excuse to turn down further attempts to set me up with girls. At that time I also started to slowly put more and more distance between myself and my old friends. I knew I wanted to act on my desires but couldn't if they were around and knew how I spent my time. Just before graduation, I overheard some guys talking about gyms. One particular gym was mentioned and one of the guys said to the others "You don't want to go to that place. That's where all the queers go." Not long after graduation, that is exactly where I went. Within a week I met a guy who was three years older than I. After we worked out and showered, he asked if I'd like to come back to his place for a while. Naturally I accepted in the hopes that it was finally going to happen. And it did. I sucked my first cock and swallowed my first ejaculation that day and it was better than I ever dreamed it could be. A week later he introduced me to body shaving and enemas. And then he fucked me. And it was heavenly, so heavenly in fact that I orgasmed just from being fucked. So yes, your story is no different from some if not most of ours. We had to hide who we were just to get by until we were able to finally break free and be who we really are.

darkknightreturns
darkknightreturns
8 years ago

I can totally relate. I had a gorgeous girlfriend at 17/18 but I realised I had a crush on her brother 1 year younger. Knew at that point I was bi but later in life accepted the fact I'm gay.

8 years ago

For a long time I did not know what is was, so I hid to the point that most people, including my friends, think that i am asexual. heh heh, if they only knew the truth.

gm4yngr
gm4yngr
8 years ago

I also played the game somewhat in school. Though I was not very social back then, I did take a girl to prom. Didn't have sex with girls until after school, dated one girl for about a year and had sex with her to "fit in" at work. Living in a small town in the 70s was not a good place to be out.
I think the fear of getting hard in the school showers is what prevented it from happening.
I bet more than 75% of us here have played the game.

red1844
red1844
8 years ago

hey my friend you stole my story.. you explained me to a tee. i still live that lie. it was and still is so frustrating. i remember four long years of hell in high school. especially gym class. i was terrified of getting hard while showering. although on kid was always hard and knowone ever said anything... thanks for your story. brought back some old memories

mophead2009
mophead2009
8 years ago

hey my friend this is my story too - growing up in a religous family outwardly liberal but conservative regarding sexuality where hiv/aids was the gay plague this was back in the 1980s was scared even looking at / being friends with another boy other than my twin brother ... at college was friendless bullied by the girls for being shy/gay(ish) looked down on by the guys for the same reason ... i kidded myself that i was straight and my attraction for other guys was just brotherly ... i accepted i was gay some years ago but still find it hard to make close friends because of the early years experience ... my bro is married with a daughter now and when i told him i thought i was gay - isnt it obvious as ive never had a girlfriend he just said keep quiet dont talk about it - end of that conversation its never been mentioned again and we dont get on as well as we did all those years ago .. hey some good friends here ...thanks for your post tc - giles