's Blogs

I'm glad sites like this exist for those who have a hard time locally. I think the only time "coming out" should be politicized is when a closeted person is advocating against the community, sponsoring or opposing legislation, financing causes, etc. as sometimes happens. I really don't like politicizing peoples' personal lives, but sometimes it needs to be done to prevent damage to the lives of others.

i dont think gay guys should feel obliged to come out. it is a matter of choice i think. nobody should be forced to. and its a shame gay guys dont wanna come out for fear of losing their family and friends.

@Petrovskyv I will give you some free advice. And as they say, beware of free advice from an old man.....just sayin'....in the work I do with young people, my advice on coming out is as follows: be sure you can support yourself emotionally and financially when you make the decision. Make sure you have a support network of friends and family that you are certain will give you emotional support and assistance. And, if you are living at home, you must be in a position to be able to live somewhere else. Whether it is with friends or other family, or you have moved out and can support yourself. In the work our LGBT Center does with youth, at 45% of them are no longer living at home. Either because they have been kicked out or that they could no longer take the anger and issues there. Most of them are not financially able to support themselves. They become what are referred to as "couch surfers" moving from friend to friend for a few days to a few weeks. But having not permanent place. And, unfortunately, for some, sex work is the only money they can make. I know it is hard to be in the closet. But you must be in a place where you can be safe and emotionally secure. Hugs my friend. Thomas xxooxoo

Nobody should ever feel pressured to come out. each person has different reasons whether it be family acceptance, reaction of friends, are things to consider. Some never come out because they don't feel the need. For me I'm sure my family knows...I don't feel the need to broadcast it. But I'm here trying to help, getting active in the gay Pride parade this summer, and I'm dam well sick and tired of teen suicides from bullying. My advice, go slow, think it through what the reaction may be with family, friends,and in the workplace or school. hugz paparon xoxo

Yes, I understand this all too well. I live at home, my dad is a homophobe who thinks he isn't, my mother says the worst thing about gays. I've tried to tell them, but when the moment comes I can't speak and get the words out. Fear of rejection, ridicule and the label that comes with being out, queer, fag,nancy boy, turd burgler, freckle stretcher, pillow biter, you know them as well as I do. The label that changes me from me to being something that is reviled for who and what I am terrifies me. I often wonder if homophobes may have unresolved issues themselves, not all of them, but certainly some. I don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to come out, even thinking about it and the new label makes me feel sick.

Coming out and being out are very difficult things. We grow up in a heteronormative world. The expectation is that everyone is straight. And, until the last maybe 10 years, there were no visible out people for someone to see and understand that it is fine to be out. For many of us, growing up we internalized all the homophobia and self hate. And now, we know who and what we are, but it comes with a shadow. We hear the words, as Jake says below. And it is personal, even when they don't know. For those of us that have been able to make the choice to be out, as Harvey Milk said, being out is the most powerful thing in the movement to accept who we are. That doesn't mean each person should be out before they are ready and safe. But for those of us that can, we need to be open, proud and visible. And as we do, the men that Jake speaks of at the work site, are going to know someone who is gay..and they to will realize the words they use can hurt. And Jake, when the time is right you will know. And it will be as it should. Until then, know that you are loved for who you are.

The gay kids I knew growing up were for the most part very lovingly accepted by their parents when they came out, and I have not experienced or witnessed family rejection first-hand. Many LGBTQ youth, as well as adults, fear rejection from their families and peers so badly that they would rather end their lives than come out to their families. This tragic reality makes me feel like there must be some sort of social responsibility for those of us who can be out.