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A Darker Entry

Blog Last Activity 9 years ago 702 views 16 comments
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">What follows is an honest account of my perception and experience here. I'm certainly not posting anything that would go against TOS, but also, I have no desire to anger administrators (I assume they read everything). I'm still relatively new to GBT. I joined the site some time ago, forgot about it for a long time, and then came back. I ran across it initially for the same reason as everyone here I'm sure--I was looking for non-pay porn, specifically legal young men, the younger the better. That's my preference, my orientation, and my fantasy. I consider this to be an ingrained part of myself. Something that will never change, just as people assume that it is not possible to change homosexual orientation. However, I never appear to be something I'm not online, and I won't do that here. I will also state (and perhaps this will stop the messages coming requesting how old I am) that I'm middle aged, so I don't have any illusions that young men would be interested in me. When I was that age, I wasn't interested in older men, so I understand this completely. In my opinion, the only reason a young man might be interested in a middle aged man is for money, and I never wanted this kind of relationship. So it's quite apparent that my fantasy world is more than a little pathetic. I also understand this, but as I said, I don't think I'll ever change. The only thing that might ever ameliorate this a bit is a relationship with a similar age peer, but I don't see this happening, so I'm stuck in this fantasy world. I'm also aware that this is somewhat a detriment to my own advancement and personal growth. I'm not at all against pornography, and I view any attempt to silence it as free speech to be backwards and puritanical. The two things that concern me here are possible copyright issues (despite the disclaimer for uploads, I know that all these clips can't belong legally to those that upload them), and the very few people here that have approached me for underage material. Incredibly stupid on a number of levels, because you never know who you are talking to, or even who is running this site. What is my point in all this? I suppose I'm simply curious. For those of you that might be older than the 20 somethings here, do you find that porn and fantasy is a detriment in any area of your life? Do you share any of the concerns I expressed? How do you deal with being an older man attracted to very young men, but realizing that you can never have this in your life? Thanks in advance for any responses.<br /><br /><img src="http://i.imgur.com/ZIV49AL.jpg" alt="" width="664" height="418" />

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BATTLEFIELD3
BATTLEFIELD3
9 years ago

I think there are plenty of older straight guys who are into younger women. Liking younger men is not an affliction. It's human.

gm4yngr
gm4yngr
9 years ago

This is a great blog, I am in the same boat as many older guys here. It's nice to hear that some of you have found love and that there is hope for all of us. Even though I am attracted too younger guys I know that I could fall in love with a guy of any age. I think part of the attraction to younger may be that they bring back memories or they make us feel young again. Don't give up Lunarwill, You could find a young man that truly loves you or you might surprise yourself by loving a man your age or even older. You never know what life holds for us, fate is one crazy bitch!

btrueblue
btrueblue
9 years ago

This is a great entry. I feel a lot of the same things as I am one of those guys that was in denial. Did the whole marriage experiment. Now is makes it very tough to meet people etc. Thanks for bearing your soul a bit.

9 years ago

Thanks so much again everyone for the input and the kind words. I am taking everyone's input into consideration. Very glad to get the thoughtful, kind responses here. Best wishes. Lunar.

cornchip
cornchip
9 years ago

I'll respond to another part of your incredibly honest, thought-provoking post, lunarwill...I've also always been much more attracted to younger men (teens and twinks) and thought I was doomed to a life of nothing but fantasy, with nothing or no one "real" to hold on to. Then, at the age of 45, I met a man 9 years my senior, and it was, quite literally, love at first sight. The even more amazing part is that he is also very attracted to younger men! We've been together now for 12 1/2 years and plan on spending the rest of our lives together....and, yes, we're both still highly attracted to younger guys, but, should lightning strike, the guy would have to be willing to have TWO older men worshipping his younger body, as neither of us would ever do anything to endanger our relationship. As for younger guys being interested in us older types, yes, it very definitely does happen, and not just when money is involved...I've known quite a few younger men over the years who were interested in being with someone more experienced...and, the gods know we've got experience! :-D Keep your head up...you never know what life has waiting around that next corner!

nate88
nate88
9 years ago

You GO girl - HUGS

Grundlebunny
Grundlebunny
9 years ago

I'm middle-aged, and seem to have sexual tastes similar to yours. I consider myself lucky, though, to have been in a committed, monogamous relationship for over twenty years. Given my tastes, I'm also fortunate in that my fiancee (yes, we plan to get married), who was just 20 when we met (I was 34), still looks very young.

richie
richie
9 years ago

Lunarwill
Life seems sometimes a piece of shit but i meet the love of my life 10 years ago and even i am attracted to young guys i realized there was an electric wire between my love and me although he is 15 years older than me.
And he has a lot of chances to meet young guys because he just show himself how he is and that is the most important way : be yourself! Best wishes and good luck to you !

Davey1965
Davey1965
9 years ago

One of the most honest blogs i have read ..Thanks for sharing your thoughts Lunarwill and taking the time to put them down 8-)

9 years ago

Thanks Mosh. Good to know. I appreciate the input.

9 years ago

**you're not alone**

9 years ago

you're not in this kind of thinking Lunarwill. When i was around the age 13 i was a HUGE kid. 280 pounds approximately. and thats all i ever could have in mind, is fantasizations of being that type i always like most. I was always a voyueur in online pornography starting at a real early age. even back then it seemed like AGE was a bothersom issue to other people surrounding me, because i had used to have a slight interest in older men at age 11 even. back during these ages i was in the closet obviously. But i had always find myself getting turned on by actors in movies even. like 007 James Bond Pierce Brosnan. Or Sam Neil from his movies. But when it came to me liking someone YOUNGER than me at these stages of my life (being over weight) I lOOKED older and it only LOOKED "not right" as some would say. Society can be a bigger dick towards those who hae their interests. At age 28 now, i still find myself more attracted to younger guys than me. But I still find to this day, i see that certain celebrity or random older guy who meets the standards (what i like) which i believe i deserved and earned the right to have set, even IF they seem so high. If i met you, and something clicked, don't reflect back on what you think about younger guys. We are not all like that. I wouldnt EVER go steady with someone just for money. I had been recently abused in all ways formidable. ESPECIALLY financially (just for money).

9 years ago

good commentary. at 23 i still get turned on by the boyish look here on gbt and that i am slowly loosing. i learned first hand how older men want contact with teens. i did it and met some terrible people and others that were very friendly. i learned you can't always judge people until you know them. i think i will always like this site and the porn of young men, preferably legal. but i've also learned that friendships and respect come from those you never expect or know. and age is not a factor there. so i'm saying two things to your post. 1) sexual attraction to porn is just fantasy. 2) learning to know somebody has no barriers and when that happens, age is not a factor. so then loving and sexual attraction can be separate from porn. now those that pursue teens for real are playing a dangerous game...one that affects both people way past the sexual act. i hope i made some sense here and am not rambling. i'm not sure i made my point, but thanks for letting me post!

9 years ago

The thing with fantasy. There is always the possibility of it becoming reality.

9 years ago

Thanks so much for the kind words, Braedan. It's difficult to get out of one's head sometimes, and consider other possibilities, but you've made me rethink things a bit. Very glad to have met you here.

9 years ago

Lunarwill, I love your posts. I like that you have a screw-it-even-if-I shoot-myself-in-the-foot honesty, because I do that myself sometimes, and am probably doing it now. Your posts infiltrate my head deeper than most blogs here. I only differ from you in this: I have a much wider fantasy age range and in life my partners have all been either about 10 years older or younger than me. Like you, I was drawn to this site first by discovering all the videos I was reguarly watching were here. My initial profile was based on the videos I was watching and was a bit in your face; then I discovered the lovely community here and refined my profile to say what I really felt on the deeper, more important levels. The main thing I want to say is that your fantasy world is not only NOT pathetic - how can you even say that? - but you have a real gift for expressing the poetry of lost and abiding dreams like pretty much no one else on this site, and it speaks to many of us intensely, if not most people here on some level. You also seem to be saying that 'young men' will not be interested in you in real life, or only for money. I think that's nonsense. Yes if it happens it may be two ships passing in the night, because younger men have all of life before them and move from place to place, but, again on the level of pure honesty, if I had met you when I was 18, when I first began going to gay places, you're precisely the kind of 'middle aged man' who would have mesmerised me pretty quickly with the way you think and express yourself. So don't undersell your qualities. You clearly have loads to offer men of all ages and you are a wonderful presence on GBT. Warm regards, Braedan