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6 Things I Need My (Gay) Son to Understand from the HFP http://www.huffingtonpost.com/patrick-roth/6-things-i-need-my-gay-son-to-understand_b_6882884.html
<p>6 Things I Need My (Gay) Son to Understand from the Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/patrick-roth/6-things-i-need-my-gay-son-to-understand_b_6882884.html</p>
<p>Â </p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1. You Are Bound by Nothing.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">Your future is limited only by your desire to succeed and work hard. Want to be a star athlete? Work your ass off. Want to join the military? Aim high. Want to be president? Go for it. Being gay in America no longer prevents you from doing anything you want to do. You just have to want it bad enough and work for it tirelessly. Don't be afraid of failure; it often teaches us far more than success ever could. Live authentically.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2. Being Gay Is a Big Part of You, But It Isn't All of You.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">Yes, you're gloriously, fabulously gay! Your sexuality influences just about every aspect of your identity, but you are not a gay young man. You are a young man who is gay. You are not my gay son. You are my son who happens to be gay. If you get married, it won't be a gay marriage, just a marriage. Oh, and for the record, I want grandkids. Don't think being gay lets you off the hook on that one. It may define you, but it isn't the sole definition. One day I hope it will be as irrelevant as your eye color. In the meantime, know that while there may be those who give you grief because of it, far more will not give it a second thought.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3. Know Your History.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">You are fortunate to live in a loving, accepting environment where the fact that you're gay is irrelevant at home and largely unremarkable at school. It hasn't always been this way, and it still isn't easy for everyone. There was a time not long ago when being openly gay was not just detrimental to success, it was potentially<a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed4a4b; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard" target="_hplink"> deadly</a>. Countless numbers of men and women have fought for the relative safety and comfort you enjoy today. The modern gay rights movement, from <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed4a4b; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots" target="_hplink">Stonewall</a> to <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed4a4b; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" href="https://www.aclu.org/lgbt-rights/windsor-v-united-states-thea-edie-doma" target="_hplink">Windsor</a>, cost a lot of people real blood, sweat and tears, and it isn't over. For many people around the world, being gay is still a deadly proposition. You need to honor those who came before you by fighting for those who will come after you.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">4. HIV Is Still Deadly.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">HIV/AIDS may seem like some obscure bit of history that only older gay men have to deal with. It isn't. Young people account for nearly a quarter of all <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed4a4b; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" href="http://www.avert.org/hiv-aids-usa.htm" target="_hplink">new HIV infections</a>. Don't be complacent. Treatment has gotten much better, but people still die from AIDS. Don't think it can't happen to you; it can. Don't be afraid of sex, but know how to keep yourself safe and always assume anyone you're with could be carrying something. He may not even know it. You are responsible for keeping yourself healthy. Play safe and get tested regularly.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">5. Understand the Difference Between Lust, Love and Friendship.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">Men, by and large, will eagerly participate in sex. Know that just because a guy is willing to get naked with you, it doesn't mean he is interested in anything else. Frankly, it doesn't even mean he's gay. Also, don't assume a guy wants to get naked just because he's friendly. There will be men who think you're cool or funny or whatever, but it doesn't mean they want to get physical. They may just want to be your friend. Work to understand the difference. One day, you'll find someone who is all those things and he'll feel the same about you. Don't settle.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">6. I Love You.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">Last, and most importantly, I love you. My love for you is unquestionable, unconditional, and unending. Never forget that.</p>
<p>Â </p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1. You Are Bound by Nothing.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">Your future is limited only by your desire to succeed and work hard. Want to be a star athlete? Work your ass off. Want to join the military? Aim high. Want to be president? Go for it. Being gay in America no longer prevents you from doing anything you want to do. You just have to want it bad enough and work for it tirelessly. Don't be afraid of failure; it often teaches us far more than success ever could. Live authentically.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2. Being Gay Is a Big Part of You, But It Isn't All of You.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">Yes, you're gloriously, fabulously gay! Your sexuality influences just about every aspect of your identity, but you are not a gay young man. You are a young man who is gay. You are not my gay son. You are my son who happens to be gay. If you get married, it won't be a gay marriage, just a marriage. Oh, and for the record, I want grandkids. Don't think being gay lets you off the hook on that one. It may define you, but it isn't the sole definition. One day I hope it will be as irrelevant as your eye color. In the meantime, know that while there may be those who give you grief because of it, far more will not give it a second thought.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3. Know Your History.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">You are fortunate to live in a loving, accepting environment where the fact that you're gay is irrelevant at home and largely unremarkable at school. It hasn't always been this way, and it still isn't easy for everyone. There was a time not long ago when being openly gay was not just detrimental to success, it was potentially<a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed4a4b; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Shepard" target="_hplink"> deadly</a>. Countless numbers of men and women have fought for the relative safety and comfort you enjoy today. The modern gay rights movement, from <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed4a4b; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stonewall_riots" target="_hplink">Stonewall</a> to <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed4a4b; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" href="https://www.aclu.org/lgbt-rights/windsor-v-united-states-thea-edie-doma" target="_hplink">Windsor</a>, cost a lot of people real blood, sweat and tears, and it isn't over. For many people around the world, being gay is still a deadly proposition. You need to honor those who came before you by fighting for those who will come after you.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">4. HIV Is Still Deadly.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">HIV/AIDS may seem like some obscure bit of history that only older gay men have to deal with. It isn't. Young people account for nearly a quarter of all <a style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #ed4a4b; text-decoration: none; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" href="http://www.avert.org/hiv-aids-usa.htm" target="_hplink">new HIV infections</a>. Don't be complacent. Treatment has gotten much better, but people still die from AIDS. Don't think it can't happen to you; it can. Don't be afraid of sex, but know how to keep yourself safe and always assume anyone you're with could be carrying something. He may not even know it. You are responsible for keeping yourself healthy. Play safe and get tested regularly.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">5. Understand the Difference Between Lust, Love and Friendship.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">Men, by and large, will eagerly participate in sex. Know that just because a guy is willing to get naked with you, it doesn't mean he is interested in anything else. Frankly, it doesn't even mean he's gay. Also, don't assume a guy wants to get naked just because he's friendly. There will be men who think you're cool or funny or whatever, but it doesn't mean they want to get physical. They may just want to be your friend. Work to understand the difference. One day, you'll find someone who is all those things and he'll feel the same about you. Don't settle.</p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">6. I Love You.</strong></p>
<p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; direction: ltr; font-family: Georgia, Century, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; border: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-stretch: normal; color: #333333; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: #ffffff;">Last, and most importantly, I love you. My love for you is unquestionable, unconditional, and unending. Never forget that.</p>
My own son passed away at 9. I never had custody or even visitation rights due to her father (attorney) who felt I was beneath her, and the man she married turned out to be an well-to-do abusive asshole (another attorney).
Those occasions when I spent time with my boy will always be foremost in my mind. He was a very gifted young man with nearly all A's in school and unwilling to accept a B, determined to raise that to an A. He enjoyed physical activities like any other kid, yet even at 7, 8 and 9, he displayed an effete side despite his love of BMX, skateboards, handball, volley ball and little league (he wanted to pitch but made a darn good short-stop, never afraid of the ball on a bad hop or a line drive. He wanted to try surfing and go-kart racing, liked westerns and war movies, sci-fi and 1930's horror films. He also liked "dress up" and painting his nails; dolls and the hid a copy of the Sears catalogue for male underwear ads and National Geographic magazine for shots of the naked aboriginal males. His Mom was tolerant and figured it was "a phase" as it was called back them, but his step dad was a spanker, slapper and one to deny this small boy meals when "acting out," whatever that means. There were no pets in that household; no friends over and he was denied joining Scouting. That was one boy who'd have made Eagle Scout by the time he turned 13.
My little one was hurt while riding his bike and the diagnosed mild concussion turned out to be much more severe.
The point of this bit of history is: Had he survived, I would hope that I would have been wise enough and eloquent enough to pass along such feelings in this article to my son. My ex told me some years later that I was the only adult male in my son's life who ever hugged him, and right now, I'm feeling really down. I don't believe I would ever have given up hugging my boy no matter how he turned out.
You parents out there, hug your children even if they complain you're embarrassing them. And pay attention to ever thing they say; they'll appreciate it. Had ing Mom and Pop who really listen means a lot to them even if they don't admit it. If your son or daughter is trying to tell you something, perhaps about their sexuality, just given 'em a kiss on the top of the head, a real hug and an "I love you, kiddo! Now, is there something I can do?"