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That special tune or song.
Even though there was 45 yrs difference between me and my last BF we had similar taste in music. When we met at a cafe in Derby and got talking and both declared our sexuality, this song was on the broadcast system in the cafe. "is there love after love" by Cher. I looked at Stu and said I love that song, after many txts and phonecalls it was decided he would move in with me. I went round to where he was living and picked him up with all his belongings. On the way home "love after love " came on the radio. Stu grabbed hold of my hand squeezed it and said, "this is our special song." For those that have read my blogs will know we had to part, as he moved to London to further his career as a chef, I had to let him go even though it broke both our hearts. last night whilst I was having my dinner, on the radio our song was played. This ex soldier and teacher ended up blubbering like never before. Anyone else had a similar situation? x
Oh Hell Deep breath. My story's a little different but here we go.
There are songs and other music that can melt and crumble me down to mush within seconds of starting, but not with the same or any romantic link.
I have never had a b/f because the past 40 yrs, I have spent being simply unaware; and then in denial of my true nature.
During 1973, on a school holiday to Douran - France, a boy called Nigel expressed a serious crush on/for me. He also made this known to other boys in my circle. There were about 6 boys to each chalet and on most nights, the rest were in and out of each others beds or jumping around each one. Nothing really sexual; just boys away from home doing as they do. I discovered then just how affectionate early teen boys can be to each other.
Anyway- I was either just not ready, open or aware of being Gay, and after several attempts Nigel wore me down and I let him sit/lay on my bed.
At that stage he only seemed to want to cuddle and caress me. He made it clear after that night that he wanted much more. He tried again once back in the UK but over time we lost touch. But I often wondered.
Over the years about him- where and how he is.
More recently the flashbacks to that time began; though not the scary ones I get from the RTA. or nearly being hit by a train; when I was a Signalman.
These new flashback were pleasant and made me realise I did have feelings for Nigel then. A lot of my problems arise from the fact that I actually hated myself for not being there for him and that even after 42 yrs, I still miss him very much - and always will.
Last year I began to Come Out on certain sites and this year, to those I thought NEED to know. Some already suspected, and ALL accepted me as still the same person. I have decided I will never reject genuine affection of the sort Nigel offered. I have never been lucky enough to have a Boyfriend.
But if I had before now- It would have been Nigel. But Certain songs may make me think of him, but nothing like the question "Do you have a b/f"?
Pheww! - Jack x
I know nearly all chartbreakers durin Relations - there is something in such situations...
Interesting that your Stu were years apart in age yet shared similar music taste...my partner is 11 years my senior, and we also have very similar taste in music (although he can listen to MUCH more Country music than I can tolerate....lol)