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Can't comment on your own experiences, but I was married for ten years, things changed with that, ended up on a certain hook up site, was in a bit of don't give a **** mood, wanted to explore my other side. Met a guy off there who was kind, caring and wasn't just after cock all the time. Kept seeing each other and after a few months I realised I had fallen for him and he for me. All the people in my life have accepted I'm with a guy now, I think cos I've not made a big deal about it. I don't feel the need to shout about my sexuality, it's the least part of me, so being with a guy now has just quietly happened and everyone has accepted it. Maybe I've just been very lucky, if I have, then I'm very thankful for that. 

What I've learned is being gay is a very lonely life. Society's so homophobic that it's almost a shock when you hear of someone in your community also being gay. All I can say is hold on... it's taken me all these years (I'm 33) to realize my homosexuality after spending like 20-odd years being in denial.

hay  i am a older gay, who love to be in love with a younger gay ( boy-twink) , thats almost the biggest still taboo and nearly imposable to even keep on going( especialy the younger one), it has most of the time to be a  secret ( not out or of shame)   even as by someone here said not by presents, Love you can,t buy .......i just lost my mate he just left me no words no sign ...he treid after 3 months to date again but still i did not went on. normally in straight situation like this  you can say  he is not interested in me ,but with these cases  as in young-old and being gay its mostly    the FEAR of others what they think.. 

so yes its not easy to be gay its not easy to love a othere gay as gays are really sexual orientated and not into real love ...... but there are examples it shows it does exsists and it is posabel and you know what  its spreading ....so dont give up and respect ya self  as first you are a human being than you can love and there will be one for you too  but yes it gonna cost ya time   .....as i still am single as well as a older gayguy  .....also   i am a christian   so there always some one .....but indeed i want to give love too ......

examples     Stephen Fry and his really goodlooking younger man ( married they are )    Tom Daley and Lance ( married )  wow  ...so theres hope even for me :)))  en work on ya selfesteem  ...but hey its already a big thing you dare to write about ya self thats very strong ....wel done ...... X  take care .

Thanks to everyone for speaking your mind. I'm of the opinion that I really can only expect to be alone though as shadow says. To elaborate on the issue of friends. I understand and don't advertise the fact I'm gay at all. I've only come out to my mom and dad recently, only a single friend from childhood knows. I have straight friends, but they're not as close to me anymore. Being out of school has just left me increasingly lonely as they go away. And having gay friends is next to impossible. As it so happens, I tend to make friends with guys that I share interests with and inevitably like. Inevitably, they drift towards better people. I'm at the point of accepting that sex is not something that will happen. I've no interest in casual sex or a one night stand. But that pretty picture of a romantic, fun life with a guy just sounds more and more impossible. It fucking hurts

i hate being straight???

Gay relationships can last. I remember after 911 the mention of 3 gay men who lost partners from 20-30 tear relationships together. And btw friends who get a bf and then stop talking to you are not friends at all and never were. The only person to compare yourself with is you. sure it's tough. But just look how many str8 marriages divorce, We are choosing the wrong people.. I told everyone I ever dated that I was bi, or as I put it, "gay with a twist". No one backed away. But that was Montreal. when I moved to redneckville out west I was discriminated against by people I thought were friends. But fuck em you know. I finally got bay and str8 friends. and being gay isn't about sex. It is about how we see the world and people. being bitter is a choice. I used to hate it too. its part of the stages we go through in the process of learning t love ourselves.  so  do something really brave and get some therapy to understand yourself better and find a way out of this stinking thinking.

I like Marshmonts and Jasechase comments best

Gay life means being alone 80% of the time. In-between random sex with strangers and the odd relationship that never lasts more than a couple years at most. You are alone. We fill those empty patches with short friendships and pets. Pretending life is good when in reality we feel like an empty shell. When you get older. Finding sex gets harder to near impossible. So you'll start being kinky with feet and other weirdness you'd never consider when you were young and pretty. Then the day will come when you're ancient with no family or friends because they're all dead. Just another annoying old queen with lots of cats. The end.  

Being gay is just another type of normal these days..... Enjoy your life...

I think that you are giving a very big importance for your fact to be a gay. However, you are much more than to be gay, you are a human being. Try to render attention to the fact that you are a human being full of virtues, but a common people. Men have some things that don't like, as for instance, a long nose or the first signs of baldness. But those are mere details. To be gay is a mere detail. In the relationship with other people, try to be just a human being. You don't need to expose your sexuality, then you will increase the chance of having truth friends, independent of your real sexual condition. I understand you because I had problems with this situation, but you will notice that in passing of the time, to have a big nose a being a gay is not any problem. Luck!

i agree. but just don't take it personally. one would think by now in our evolution we would have left sexual desires far in out past. but nooooo.. sadly.

so, one does have the mental capabilities to overcome this issue, be it gay str8, whatever.. do what you need to do to make peace with yourself. to hell with everyone

there is some good advice here. being gay isn't the problem. being str8 won't make you happy. happiness come from within. hang in there. there are a ton of guys that need assistance with self confidence. it would be nice if we had small private groups where people with similar interests or issues could talk with others.like coming out, dating, first time, self confidence, body image, health issues, family issues, job, bullying, self pleasuring, etc, etc.

hope you can work things out, take care, Scott

Then be what you are!    Bi-sexual!    That's what I think everyone are whether they realize it or not!    :)     Life's a journey not a destination!    It's o.k. to feel pretty bad just feel better and good at some point and sooner rather than later!    Don't be so hard on yourself and be careful about being a drama queen!    You will paint yourself in a corner and find it harder to get out over time!     I'm from the same area of the world that you are so I think I can relate to your feelings.    I hope things work out for you!