Scotslad2's Blogs

James had been so loved at my home he became careless at his.

My family fully approved of James and I, my mother doted on him and they would chat for hours, my father, who is six foot two would pat his head like a favourite Labrador whenever he passed, even Hamish used to pick James up, as he had done with me when i was 12, which James appeared to be in stature although he was 18 years old.

We could wander around my Estate without a care in the world and this sweet tiny elf boy captured the hearts and imagination of all the villages, especially the girls, but he had eyes only for me and i was in heaven.

 So confident was he in our relationship that he suggested we visit his parents one weekend, i was very against any such visit, his father especially, was homophobic, James had mentioned this to me when we first met, so i was surprised at the mention of the visit.

I tried my hardest to persuade him, but my sweet boy thought I would be as welcome there as he had been with my family, i must say for James that once his mind is made up he is implacable.

I told my parents of my worries, my father new of James father and he was not a fan, the man had bullied his own four sons so much that all of them, except James, had left home in their teens and although a Marquis, his demeanour was well known to the other Lords in Scotland, including us. I asked James to reconsider, and he was tearful,

'What can they do?' he had said to me, 'I am 18, i can do as I like, love whom i choose'. So i had agreed but with great trepidation, I would do anything to make the love of my life happy.

We drove up in my Range Rover, besides being a non-smoker, none drinker, and a vegetarian James also didn't drive, we reached his home as dusk fell, it was early Autumn and the leaves were starting to come into colour but it was still very mild, i pulled up at the entrance to his magnificent house, a servant was standing and escorted us into the great hall where his parents were waiting,

I had never met them before although James and I had been together for six months.

His mother smiled and James introduced me to her, there was no smile on his fathers face, we shook hands, i towered five inches above him.

Before we had arrived i had begged James to be circumspect with me in the presence of his parents, and he had promised, but my James had a pure heart and found it impossible to hide his love for me, and it became obvious just after i had shaken his fathers hand and returned to where James was standing, he immediately took my hand in his, my heart sank.

 The gesture was not lost on his father, he asked to speak with me alone in his study, i followed him in and he closed the door and turned to me,

'What exactly is your relationship with my son?' he looked straight at me, unsmiling,

'Don't you think you should ask your son that? He is of age!' i hadn't smiled either,

I left the room angry and upset, he called James in and closed the door, his mother had disappeared, i heard them shouting at one another, then two men, who could have been anything, footmen, security, knocked and walked into the study, the door opened and James was being dragged away by his father i went to intercede but the two men grabbed me,

'Please leave my Lord,, your not welcome here, his Lordship has said you must never set foot here ever again, i called after James but he was gone, tears sprung to my eyes as the huge front door was slammed behind me.

 Thank God the traffic was light that night because i drove home in tears, how could this have happened, but of course they could take him against his will, how could he resist, is tiny frame no match for his burly father.

I had phoned home and my parents were waiting for me as i arrived, they bundled me into their loving arms and my mother sobbed with me, my father led me to the living room and left to telephone James's father, i had never seen him so angry.

I waited for him to return, his face sad,

'I'm sorry my boy, the brute says if you come anywhere the house he will call the police, i broke away and went to my room, i turned on the laptop hoping for a message from James, there were none, and no mobile calls or texts, the laptop and phone would never be turned off for the next few weeks.

I was going through the very worst time in my life, i couldn't sleep without his slight frame lying on top of me, each morning when i finally awoke after hours of trying to sleep, the tears fell as i realised it wasn't a bad dream and the agony continued,

I barely left my room, food was brought to me but i just nibbled, the rest went down the lavatory so my parents wouldn't worry.

Edmond turned up the second week with some news, he had been in Fetters with John, James second oldest brother and had found out that James had been whisked away to his father's brother in the Midwest of America, at least i knew he was safe but a world away.

 I was terrified, i loved James with every fibre of my being, and i knew James felt the same, but i also knew that he couldn't live without me, i did everything for him, my sweet Autistic boy could barely function without me, i washed him, dressed him, fed him and loved him with a passion, how would he be faring without my love and guidance.

It was the beginning of the fourth week of my self-imposed imprisonment in my rooms when i received a call from Ben, my beloved twin brother from another mother, my parents must have told him what was happening,

I cried with happiness at the sound of his voice, it had been some months since i had seen him, he asked me how i was holding up, i couldn't answer him for crying, he asked me to hang up and he would video call me on my laptop from his, it chirped and i pressed enter and his beautiful face filled the screen, as soon as he saw me he burst into tears, i was desperate,

'Ben, what is it? has something happened to you?'he shook his head, tears flowing down his face,

'I am flying up to Edinburgh from Heathrow tomorrow morning i will see you soon, and he logged off. I was really worried, could he be ill, could something have happened to Alex or David or Boo, my mind raced, i phoned down to my father and told him the news,

'I know my son, Hamish will pick him up at 10 am we look forward to seeing him you just rest' i thanked him and dozed off hoping nothing was too amiss with my beloved Ben.

A fitful night followed by the familiar realisation of loss and the ensuing tears, were interrupted by a quiet knock on my door, it opened and Ben stood there,

i tried to raise from the bed but i was too weak, Ben rushed to me and picked me up bodily and gathered me in his arms, his tears falling on my dressing gown,

''Ben, What is it, what has happened?' he drew me from him he seemed angry,

'Rory you bloody fool!' he picked me up and took me to the bathroom, all one wall was mirrored, he stripped me and turned me to face the mirrors,

' Look at yourself !' I looked and went pale, a skeleton with black orbs looked back at me, i was speechless, my 6.3 frame, had gone from 13.2 stone to barely 10, dark circles surrounded my eyes, what did it mean, was i dying?,

Ben turned me around gently, picked me up like you would do a baby and walked back into my bedroom, placed me on the bed and got in beside me, he kissed me lovingly and stroked my hair,

'Rory, don't you realise that you're having a breakdown?'

I tried to understand what he was saying, he was crying, not that there was anything wrong with him or his family, it was because of me, i looked down at myself, my ribs showed through my skin, Ben covered me with a sheet and held me very close.

'We are going to Tuscany for a Holiday, but you must eat, i will stay here with you for a week, we fly out on Monday.' and it was during that week i began to realise that my worry for James had caused me a nervous breakdown.

Ben, fed me morning noon and night, as i got stronger he helped me outside for fresh air, unusually most of my siblings were home, little did i understand that they thought i would die from grief at the loss of James.

I awoke that following Saturday to the familiar arms of Ben wrapped around me, he woke as soon as i stirred, his eyes opened and his arms tightened around me, he looked worried and i kissed him and he relaxed,'

How are you feeling?' he said gently,

'Better,' is all i replied, he held me very close and whispered,

'Thank God, i thought i was going to lose you.

'I'm sorry Ben, i didn't realise what was happening,'

'I know Rory, but what do you think would happen to James if you died.' I just burst into tears at the mention of his name,

'But i have lost him,' i cried,

'Not yet, the family have a plan,

'What! 'Let's go down for breakfast and all will be explained,' I was still quite weak,

Ben showered with me and dressed me and, holding me around my waist we walked down the stairs to my entire family sitting together in the dining room, each one came and hugged and kissed both me and Ben,

Ben's Parents were there and Alex who rushed to me and held me close, sobbing on my shoulder, i patted his head,

'I am better Alex,' he let me go and wiped his tears away, Ben's younger brother loved me as much as Ben did.

We ate breakfast and retired to the drawing room, Ben started the ball rolling,

'You and I are flying to Tuscany on Monday for two weeks holiday,

You are going to get fit and tanned and at the end of the two weeks we may have James join us.' I just looked at him, could it be true, how was it possible?

Tuscany was easy to understand, my eldest brother Harry had a villa there, but James would Join us,! It was just too much for me and i felt faint,

Ben stood up and held me.

'Listen to what we have to say. and i did just that, i listened for two hours and i was often in tears but my heart started to heal that last Saturday in June, 2015.