Stay positive 

Thanks everyone for the input. I appreciate the different points of view. At the end of the day though I sleep well knowing I have good in my heart. Stay positive everyone. 

ANT you are indeed bad, but everyone has the right to say what they please! I thought it was funny

Bendy, you are either a fool or stupid or you just want to argue. I happen to think the latter. 

APES are not the topic of this blog. If you want to debate this topic start your own blog and I will be happy to show you plenty of evidence showing that we are indeed not apes and cant say I molested that child because "the APE made me do it"

If admin is able to grant our wishes and a blog poster is able to delete comments on their blog I imagine only comments that the poster liked would be left, all other negative comments would be deleted. 

What message would that send to the casual observer?

someone said the past catches up with you

Years ago I was a cross country truck driver now retired, I often saw young kids selling themselves at truck stops. One night in Wyoming at the truck stop a young boy claiming to be 14 with his lil sister who he said was 11 knocked on my door asking If I was looking for company. Both kids were dirty and looked like they had not eaten or taken a bath in days, the boys teeth were all broken and stained. I asked the boy what he meant by company. He smiled and answered saying for fifty dollars I can do anything I want with him for one hour and for 100 dollars I can watch him fuck his lil sister. I asked him why he was doing this he said it's better then going hungry with no place to live, I asked if his mom knew what him and his sister were doing, he answered yep mom on the other side of the truck stop doing the same thing. I declined. Their offer and gave both kids money for a shower and a hot meal. It was very sad for me to see that in one of the richest countries in the world kids sell themselves for sex with adults because they are cold, homeless, and hungry. If I was the boy I most definitely would have done the same for the same reason, it's better then going hungry with no place to sleep.

I feel for you.

Get help, you are not alone.

Have faith and be strong.

Try, please.

I am sorry for what you went through, I truly am. You were not given a choice and many other children are not given a choice. In your situation I can understand and respect what you had to do. 

You clients were not Pedophiles, correct me if I am wrong, at 13 you had some pubic and body hair and could ejaculate. The men who you call clients were Ephebophiles they were interested in boys in puberty. In your case sadly you knew what you were doing to a certain extent. Your body was maturing and able to respond. While I dont condone Ephebophilia, I find it much less disturbing than the man who buttfucks a 5 year old boy or a man who has intercourse with a 3 year old girl. They have no understanding of why they are being subjected to this physical torture.

I would like to ask a question, feel free not to answer if you do not want to. You said you are no longer a child. Did the adult you ever run into one of your "clients"  how did it make you feel? As for myself I would be very emotional and not knowing if I should say hi or beat his ass.

I appreciate everyone who saw my words no matter what you thought. I expected many reactions. Try to stay positive everyone. .❤️

for all of those who have read this blog and think its ok to fantasize about sex with children and or have sex with children, please show everyone the depth of commitment you have for your "its ok" idea. Go online on twitter in an open forum and declare yourself see how many Non-porn site people support you

Trying to understand the mind and the pleasures a pedophile gets from sexual interaction with a child is like trying to understand the sexual gratification a pyromaniac gets from fire. I lit a BBQ, deliberately using too much charcoal lighter, had huge roaring flames and then thought ok now I'm going to stare at the flames and fantasize about sex and see just what they get out of this. In under a minute my mind had drifted to taxes that I owed.

I do not believe there is even anything close to a majority out there who wants to have sex with children. You can keep telling yourself that if you think in your mind it makes what you desire to do seem not so wrong. But you're fooling only yourself. Keep the desire under control, don't hurt a child.  

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/sexual-abuse

The only person who is getting their dream fulfilled in your example PH is the 50 year old man. The 12 year old is no more than a fleshlight to him.

I just do not beleive that most tweleve year old boys dream of getting fucked by a fifty years old man.

As usual Bendy is wrong. These are only one sided pleasures. You may derive pleasure from child sex and looking at children engaged in sexual videos but the child is a victim. He/she has no control of what is being done to them or who is looking at them online. These things are never gone. A video of child molestation online will be out there forever. It can and will come back to haunt that child. 

Let me be very clear 1: you are not an ape so dont use that excuse. 2: just looking is harmful also both to you as a person trying to be strong and to the child being exploited. 3: YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM BECAUSE YOU HAVE SEXUAL FANTASIES ABOUT KIDS! Trying to get people to feel sorry for your struggle is just a way to hook up with others who have the same tastes.

Someone who gains satisfaction from the torture and murder of people is not acceptable. In most cases they begin with a "harmless" fantasy until one day that is just not enough so they claim their first kill. Then they want more and more.

Its the same for child "lovers". They start with fantasies. Given the right circumstances they will act upon this fantasy. I am not saying every child "lover" will go out and prowl the streets looking for kids like a vampire. What I am saying is put in easy access to just what they have fantasied about will spur some into action.  For the record "child lovers" is a term used by molesters  and Pedophiles to soften the idea of what they like. There is no LOVE involved only rape molestation and pain for the child forever.

I am not saying all of this to hurt your feelings but lets cut through the bullshit shall we. If you have these desires, these turn on , these hot buttons, please seek out a counselor that is experienced in helping men/women with this. Yes I said women. Some women also fantasize about fucking a young boy or girl. You are not the only one. 

Bendy (god help me for saying this) is right when he says an attraction to children is perfectly normal. A SEXUAL attraction to children is not. You know this thus your opening statement shows that you know its wrong. DO NOT SEEK VALIDATION HERE. Not all of us are attracted to little boys but there are some that will flock to your call and tell you, "there there its OK to have sexual feelings for little boys" .

I am not saying turn yourself in. Child predator's are like alcoholics, they will always have the compulsion to get plastered.  I am saying seek help before you lose your will power and ruin a child's life, the child's families lives and quite possibly your own life. ( the anger and response can be terrible from the Family as well as the child when he/she reaches an age where they want revenge) 

Please help yourself by getting counseling. This is my opinion. I know you may or may not take my advice. Know this however if anyone were to do anything sexual to my 8 year old brother, there is no place on earth you could hide. I would find that person and castrate them.

An attraction to children is a perfectly normal thing, believe it or not. A sexual attraction however is a misinterpretation of that attraction. Our natural instinct is one of protection, we are genetically programmed to protect the young of our species. Almost all animals are predisposed to protect the young. 

In the ape world youngsters seek out strong adult males and groom them so that they may gain the males' favour and thus his protection. We too are apes, lest we forget. Where the adult male ape may not be constrained by our legal system we are. The male ape has no qualms about letting an immature ape play around with his genitals. We as humans are not permitted to indulge ourselves in such pleasures.

Be strong and don't give in to the ape that still lives within us.

First of all, I have never and will never touch a child. Second all I'm trying to do is bring awareness to a huge problem. A little bit of understanding would go a long way. People like myself who are attracted to children have to hide, nobody understands being attracted to children and how you have ZERO control over your attraction. The only thing I have control over is NEVER touching a child. I just wish people understood that I'm not a bad person. 

A simple rule: you do not have sex with anyone or anything that cannot give informed consent.

No consent, no sex.